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OK!
Took the afternoon off, left my work laptop at the house (guilt free?), drove to condo (last time driving?), warming up for toys ... and this is the final weekend I'll have to feel so fuckin' paranoid like I have to hide from everybody all the time, right? Next weekend I'll have my 80% badge (two weeks after first shot), and I won't beat myself up every time I make a mistake about what my hand just touched, and I won't get so mad at the people who don't wear masks, or wear them incorrectly, right?
I dunno. I'm not excited yet, instead I'm still in the paranoia/anger mode as I interact with other humans.
I haven't yet made the haircut appointment, but I haven't cut my hair yet either, it's long (for Bug). I think I'll try to make the appointment for next Saturday, tomorrow.
I lifted weights this morning, yay. I'm happy with my muscles, they've grown, but the prospect of spending time with play partners has me feeling fat, which is the oldest mood in my sexual portfolio, from the time I reached puberty I've almost always felt fat. I have a niece who was hospitalized with anorexia during high school, and I told her mother (my sister) recently that I feel the anorexia, and I've played the same game with the scale to see how low I can go, even though I've never had trouble finding sexual partners, either in person or online, I still feel fat. That's my dysphoria/dysmorphia -- if there were a hormone pill I could take that would keep my weight 10-20 pounds lower -- my preferred gender is "thin" LOL. My pronouns are thin/slim.
But I'm refusing to starve myself while I'm building up my COVID immunity -- not starting a diet now, damn it, feed the T Cells or whatever. But it's a mental struggle, thinking I'm fat. I try to deal with it at age 53 by never getting on the scale and exercising on most days, except I have to get on the scale when I go for my annual physical, and I'll be doing an annual physical soon, and I'll have to face the post-pandemic scale. Ugh. I know I'm not alone in feeling I've gained weight during Quarantine. It's a common problem.
Anyway, I get to write in my LJ about whatever I want: Some of the best looking guys I've known in my entire life have believed they're not good looking enough. It's a widespread problem. And I suffer from it also, and it's on the rise as I'm about to spend time with sexual partners again, whether the day it happens is later this month, or next month, it's an anxiety. Hopefully once I'm playing with people again I'll get over it. I'm not perfect, and I don't require perfection from you, let's have fun :-)
I dunno. I'm not excited yet, instead I'm still in the paranoia/anger mode as I interact with other humans.
I haven't yet made the haircut appointment, but I haven't cut my hair yet either, it's long (for Bug). I think I'll try to make the appointment for next Saturday, tomorrow.
I lifted weights this morning, yay. I'm happy with my muscles, they've grown, but the prospect of spending time with play partners has me feeling fat, which is the oldest mood in my sexual portfolio, from the time I reached puberty I've almost always felt fat. I have a niece who was hospitalized with anorexia during high school, and I told her mother (my sister) recently that I feel the anorexia, and I've played the same game with the scale to see how low I can go, even though I've never had trouble finding sexual partners, either in person or online, I still feel fat. That's my dysphoria/dysmorphia -- if there were a hormone pill I could take that would keep my weight 10-20 pounds lower -- my preferred gender is "thin" LOL. My pronouns are thin/slim.
But I'm refusing to starve myself while I'm building up my COVID immunity -- not starting a diet now, damn it, feed the T Cells or whatever. But it's a mental struggle, thinking I'm fat. I try to deal with it at age 53 by never getting on the scale and exercising on most days, except I have to get on the scale when I go for my annual physical, and I'll be doing an annual physical soon, and I'll have to face the post-pandemic scale. Ugh. I know I'm not alone in feeling I've gained weight during Quarantine. It's a common problem.
Anyway, I get to write in my LJ about whatever I want: Some of the best looking guys I've known in my entire life have believed they're not good looking enough. It's a widespread problem. And I suffer from it also, and it's on the rise as I'm about to spend time with sexual partners again, whether the day it happens is later this month, or next month, it's an anxiety. Hopefully once I'm playing with people again I'll get over it. I'm not perfect, and I don't require perfection from you, let's have fun :-)