What does "single" even mean anymore

Lunch break post, then I'm going running -- it's finally not sleeting or drizzling or something outside.

A popular Reddit post on the poly subreddit asked how do poly people answer the question, "Are you single?"

Most people focused on a different paradigm, "Are you available?"  Because you could have a partner but still be available.

I thought about my own life, and how last year at this time I would've said I'm "functionally single" because although my life composed of a certain romantic and sexual density, there was no person who would really qualify as a "partner" the way either mono or poly people use that term.  I've thought about calling T my "asexual nesting partner" but even that might be an exaggeration, given that he happily spends way more time playing video games than interacting with me, and that we've totally failed at setting up a joint household budget that he can adhere to.  In what way are we "partners" anymore?  We both completely ignored our recent anniversary.

Anyway.  Quarantine plus K moving away have me thinking I'm even more "functionally single" than I was a year ago, except I'm not "available" either, because of Quarantine.

But then I posted something like the following -- as a relationship anarchist, the question makes no sense, it's not about whether I'm single or even whether I'm available.  The only viable question is much more specific and concrete: "Are you available to do [activity] on [day] at [time]?"

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What do you want us to do together, and when?  If you and I don't already have a pattern of behavior together, or any negotiated rules of engagement, then this is your only opening question.  Asking me whether I'm "single" or even "available" tells me you're not thinking about any sort of reality with me, instead you're lost inside your own head, wondering whether this person Bug who you don't know well yet, would somehow be able to play a role in your relationship fantasy.  The answer to that is almost certainly "no".  I'm not single, I'm not available.  Go away.  But would you like to get together for a movie and fisting next Tuesday?  I could also do it Friday.  Oh, you'd like a gym buddy?  Sure, we've got a gym in the basement, what kind of workouts do you like and on what schedule?

Even if I were living alone and had much more flexibility in my life than I do now, I don't think I'd be looking for a "partner".  But if we enjoyed that movie and fisting date last week, why don't we have another one next week?  Do you like board games also?  Let's get together with friends to play board games.  Are you worn out and need a massage?  Why don't I come over and give you one?  Had a difficult day at work and need to vent?  Sure, text me, call me.

And maybe after six months you'd ask, "So what do we have here, is this a relationship?"  And I'd say, "Sure, I care about you, we spend a lot of time together, I'd miss you if you disappeared."  And so we ended up with a relationship of sorts.  But are we "partners"?  I don't know.  What does that word mean to you?

Even if I get a crush on somebody, which I certainly will, and he returns the crush, then -- we're having mutual crushes on each other.  That's fun, let's have fun!

At this age and stage in my life, I'm pretty much finished with all the abstractions and labels.  Do you want to hang out?  Did you enjoy that, do you want to hang out again?  We sure do hang out a lot.  Would we be better off living together or is it fine just hanging out a lot?

It's gonna happen organically and via mutual enjoyment, or not at all.  And it has nothing to do with whether I'm single or not.  Or available or not.  Can our lives find a way to intersect?

vaccine discordant quarantine bubbles

Plenty of people will face this, either explicitly or implicitly, as not everybody in a Quarantine bubble will get vaccinated at the same time.  In my own case, T, B, and I all have different employers and/or health insurers.  I'm the oldest and have asthma, T has his own health issues.  B is younger.  T and I live in Maryland, B in DC -- and DC is ahead of MD in per capita doses.

Who will get his vaccine first?  And then, let's assume it is me.  What if two weeks after my dose(s) I'm ready to do things like get on airplanes and go on dates outside of our bubble?

I discussed it with T.  Are you concerned that although I'd have vaccine immunity that I might unintentionally bring back COVID to you from spending time with other people?

He didn't think that was a concern.  He said it is unlikely I would become infectious after the vaccine takes effect.  OK, then, I'm not waiting on both of us, I'm just waiting on myself!

But no idea how long that wait will be.  Maryland is behind on giving out shots, so ... I just checked, around here they're still focusing on the people 75 and older.

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I discussed my self-haircut plan with T -- the #3 all around.  He strongly suggests having his barber friend come over to cut my hair while we all wear masks, but I still think that's too risky right now.  A guy who is cutting lots of people's hair, even while wearing masks, is exposing himself to a lot of people in close proximity for 20 minutes at a time.  So, soon I'll do the #3 all over.  I expect I'll hate it, but then as my hair grows back out I'll try to let it grow higher on top while going tighter on the sides.

I often think these kinds of close haircuts are sexy on other guys.  But I've had the same haircut forever, looking different will be shocking to me.

But it cannot be worse than the crazy mop of hair I've got now.  It's flopping and curling all over the place, and when I get up in the morning, or after I exercise, I look like a mad professor until I take a shower.  It's been at least four months since K last cut it for me.  Wow, nearly four months since K moved away.  Doesn't seem that long, somehow.  But my life since has been a lot of same thing same thing same thing.

TV, etc.

I enjoyed the first season of Elite, but the second season felt like somebody had told them, "That first season was great, can you do that again?"  I mean, the same plot with the same conflicts as before?  Throw in a few new characters, and, well, at least they didn't try to resurrect the dead characters ... but ... it felt like a remake of the previous season so I quickly lost interest.  Even the gay guys were stuck with the same problems they had before!

Whereas the second season of Outlander was so different from the first.  I may yet return to that second season, but the Paris intrigue was so different from the brutal conflicts between the Scottish and the English, it felt like a different show.  The other extreme from Elite's second season.

But the past few days I've been watching Occupied on Netflix, a Norwegian political thriller about a slow Russian takeover of Norway, possibly patterned on some of the slow Russian takeovers that have been happening along other parts of Russia's western border, but with some near-future twists.  For example, the US has withdrawn from NATO as Trump seemed to want, and the EU has aligned with Russia against Norway in order to take over Norway's rich fossil fuel reserves.

As the show begins, Norway is led by its Green Party, yay, and they've decided to end all fossil fuel production and replace it with advanced nuclear power, yay!  But then all hell breaks loose as the rest of the world gangs up on Norway to keep pumping that oil and gas out of the earth for their hungry industries.  At first the Green Prime Minister tries his best to keep the peace via appeasement and compromise, but ... 

There's not much romance in this show, straight or gay, but it seems the US Ambassador to Norway is gay, if you watch very carefully, it seems that other fella hanging around at the Embassy is his male spouse.

Oh, this evening there was a scene with one of the Free Norway recruits having his hair shaved off, which is what I'm about to do to my own hair ... but I doubt I'll like it on myself as much as I liked it on this actor.

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I don't want to turn into somebody who watches TV every night, but it is winter, it is still Quarantine, we're back to a five-day work week this week, and T just wants to play video games after dinner every night, so ... watching some TV by myself is OK this week.  I think I was getting tired of reading a lot, especially all the frightful news on the Internet back before Boring Biden took over.  TV feels like a treat to me because I usually don't watch that much.  And there's some high-quality foreign TV on Netflix!

I do want to get into HBO's Euphoria, I've started watching it a couple times -- but late on weekend nights after I've become intoxicated and then I don't remember much and have to start over.  So, after I finish or tire of Occupied, that's next in the TV queue.

I have a hell of a time remembering TV and movie plots, which often makes it fun to rewatch stuff I've already seen.  Back when I was watching Buffy for the first time, I occasionally kept notes to remember the various plot twists in between sessions.  When I watch TV with T and too much time goes by in between sitting down to watch the next episode, I need him to explain the context for me.  Being intoxicated just makes it worse.  I like watching TV while intoxicated, but then I can't remember much about what I saw.  So, it is better for me to rewatch familiar shows while intoxicated, and save the new stuff for when I'm sober.

Another thing I do when intoxicated and rewatching stuff -- I don't pay full attention to what's happening on the screen -- because I already know what's happening -- so I might also be writing in my journal, or playing with toys, or playing a game on another screen, or chatting with friends.  Sometimes, especially during Quarantine or way back when I lived by myself, rewatching something familiar is a way of keeping myself company, like having an old friend or a sibling hanging out with me, not necessarily paying attention to each other, while we each do our own thing.

I mean, it can be nice to have T in the house, downstairs playing his video games, while I'm doing my own thing upstairs.  The main obstacle I find with having T in the house is that he feels offended when I play with my toys while he's here.  It has also been awkward when I've had fuckbuddies over to visit me while T is here -- even if we aren't making out, even if T isn't jealous -- he can become openly judgmental about people who he didn't choose to be his friend.  The guys I choose for fuckbuddies don't have to meet T's standards, but he's not good at handling it in person, and there's no way I could have a spanking or fisting hookup while T is here.  So ... the need for the condo or a similar space while I continue living with T.

Sometimes I think living next door to T would be fine, like in adjoining townhomes or condos.  It's not like I want him to disappear.  But if he had responsibility for his own bills, and I had privacy as needed ... it was all going pretty well back when T was spending every other weekend in NYC visiting B.  I could have people over, I could play with toys.

We'll see what the end of Quarantine brings, and this belated resumption of T & B's relationship, and the resumption of my own hanging out with people other than T.  But that's still a number of months away.