VirtualExile

The companies manufacturing the three approved COVID vaccines in the US expect to provide more than enough doses to vaccinate everybody in the US by the end of July.  And by then, we may have a couple more approved COVID vaccines.  There is a finish line, straight ahead.

Five more months to go.  Nearly 50 million people have already received at least one dose, and you only need one dose plus 14 days to train your immune system to fight COVID.

Last night the FDA approved the J&J vaccine, which was tested as a one-dose vaccine.  The J&J vaccine consists of neutered adenovirus particles that contain DNA coded to produce fake COVID "spikes".  Adenoviruses are one of the virus families that we lump together in the "common cold" category.  The adenovirus particles in the J&J vaccine are unable to replicate themselves, so they do not cause you to get sick, instead they invade your cells and have them produce proteins that mimic the spikes on the outside of COVID virus particles.  This trains your immune system to fight the real thing.

We're still seeing an average of 2,000 deaths per day :-(  But hospitalizations are steadily falling.  We've been under Quarantine for almost a year, but we're most of the way done.  Hang on for these five more months!

Today is my 20th Anniversary with this same employer -- even the same division of this employer.  I've held 6 positions during these 20 years, and I expect this one to be my last.  I'm flatly not interested in another promotion or moving to a different division.  Let me do this for 6 years, 6 months, and 17 days more, and then I'll retire and do something else with my "work" hours.

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I'm back to my wacky work-from-home sleep schedule.  Not really a schedule, my sleep happens at all hours or not at all.  I don't get anxious about it -- if I'm not sleepy I'm not sleepy.  If I'm sleepy, I take a nap if I can.  It's low stress.  I've got a 9:45am meeting this morning that I need to prepare for, so I'll be getting up soon anyway.

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Now that the OTC meds have worn off, I have some residual symptoms from the food poisoning, but it's more manageable/acceptable than it was Wednesday evening.

I may try some yoga today, either before or after I head downtown.

As for heading downtown ... I'm not sure what I'm going to do there for once, I may not be able to play with toys yet.  It's been my weekend institution during Quarantine!

I need to stop at the Post Office on the way, I need to mail a couple of things that require nonstandard postage.

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The FMJ has shipped!  I only know this because the last time I bought a device from this company I registered with Australia Post for tracking updates.  This morning I received an email directly from Australia Post.  I did not receive an email from the company, and when I check my account at their website it still claims my device is "in production".

Australia Post says 10-18 business days for a delivery to the US.  I should remain in my custom metal cage until then.  When the FMJ arrives I can trim pubes before putting it on and freezing the keys.  I hope I like it!

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I keep hearing of more people getting their COVID shots.  I'm envious.  My boss and his wife got their shots even though they already had COVID.  A gay couple much younger than I am both got their shots recently -- they apparently qualified in their state because they're HIV+.  But here in Maryland my asthma gets me nada.  I'll just keep hiding from the world as best I can.  At some point supply will exceed demand.

I remember back when the 2009 H1N1 vaccine came out, I went to a mass vaccination site and waited in a super long line to snag my shot.

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I like the MIDI keyboard I have at the house so much better than the older one at the condo, I'm seriously thinking of buying a second one for the condo so I have the same model at each location.  But the amount of time I'm spending using them doesn't seem to justify the expense ... it's like the board games I buy and never play, the books I buy and never read.  I'll probably buy it, though.  I like having the same stuff in both locations, to some extent.  But I'll probably wait until the next time I actually use the keyboard at the condo -- prove to myself I'll use the darn thing, and feel the inferiority of the old one under my fingertips.  I'm also wanting to have copies of my instruction books at both places, LOL.

I miss seeing and touching my friends and family, the people I love, my chosen family, and so many other people.  I miss you.  With some of you, for a bit at a time: phone, video, or even text communications help, but it's not nearly enough.

Downloaded the new version of TurboTax and started on my 2020 tax return.  I don't have the form from Fidelity for my play money account yet, so I can't finish.  But the IRS isn't accepting returns yet anyway.  I'll have some net gains from my trading activity of a few hundred dollars.

I had to spend time tracking down all my charitable contributions, because I started several new ones during the year as part of my Green Communism initiative, which will push up my refund amount.  Also, a bunch of our theater season tickets were converted into donations when the shows were canceled.

This year I'm not buying new season tickets -- I'm not sure whether they're even available yet -- but until we're all caught up with the regular monthly bills I'm not laying out that kind of cash for entertainment.  I'm keeping the joint spending to a minimum right now.  And there hasn't been much reason to spend on myself either.  Dax vet bills are the biggest expense on the horizon right now.

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Was looking at some senior living places, there's so many kinds.  Not all of them are inexpensive.  Some are reserved for low-income seniors.  Some are luxury buildings that cost a lot.  And many of them are meant for people who are disabled, frail, or in cognitive decline.  I'd be an "active" senior, heh.  Some are 55+ but others are 62+.  I don't really need an inexpensive place until I retire, and at that point I may be moving away anyway.  So, I don't know if senior living in the DC area is really going to happen, but if I decide to live on my own before I retire it is at least worth investigating.

Reminds me of when I went to visit my father in his assisted living building, I remember I was envious because they had a library and a board game room and all their meals were made for them.  Not much privacy, though, I wouldn't be able to play loud music and smoke and have fellas over for spanking parties.  But if I get to the point of needing assisted living, a library and a board game room would be great.

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Sometimes now I swing between feeling like I'm handling the social isolation of Quarantine OK, and feeling like I'm on the verge of boredom.  Now I don't even have a weekly TV night with T, he quit that when Star Trek ended.  He's just playing his video games every night after dinner and all weekend long.  Tonight I was bored enough to start doing my taxes, heh.  I offer to do stuff with him but he'd rather sit by himself staring at a screen and fiddling with a controller.  Sometimes he plays video games with friends online, but mostly it's just solitaire.

I thought about making a habit of playing music on the keyboard every night after dinner but I was concerned that might feel too much like work, after spending a day doing chores, exercising, working, cooking ... I should do something more playful and relaxing, not goal oriented or skill building.

I wish I could pay to skip the vaccination line, heh.  No, not really, I'm OK if there are people who need the vaccine more than me.  I can understand letting school teachers and first responders go before me.  And then people who serve the public in restaurants, shops, and agencies.  Flight attendants, bus drivers.  But it would also be easier to administer if they just went by date of birth -- everybody born before 1950, then 1960, etc.  Let me know when you get to my birth year.  Here in MoCo it's still just the folks who are 75+.  Other states are pulling way ahead of Maryland, even DC is faster than Maryland.  Most of the people I personally know who have had their first shots work in health care.  The rest are white guys over 65 who live in DC.

Plenty of people will face this, either explicitly or implicitly, as not everybody in a Quarantine bubble will get vaccinated at the same time.  In my own case, T, B, and I all have different employers and/or health insurers.  I'm the oldest and have asthma, T has his own health issues.  B is younger.  T and I live in Maryland, B in DC -- and DC is ahead of MD in per capita doses.

Who will get his vaccine first?  And then, let's assume it is me.  What if two weeks after my dose(s) I'm ready to do things like get on airplanes and go on dates outside of our bubble?

I discussed it with T.  Are you concerned that although I'd have vaccine immunity that I might unintentionally bring back COVID to you from spending time with other people?

He didn't think that was a concern.  He said it is unlikely I would become infectious after the vaccine takes effect.  OK, then, I'm not waiting on both of us, I'm just waiting on myself!

But no idea how long that wait will be.  Maryland is behind on giving out shots, so ... I just checked, around here they're still focusing on the people 75 and older.

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I discussed my self-haircut plan with T -- the #3 all around.  He strongly suggests having his barber friend come over to cut my hair while we all wear masks, but I still think that's too risky right now.  A guy who is cutting lots of people's hair, even while wearing masks, is exposing himself to a lot of people in close proximity for 20 minutes at a time.  So, soon I'll do the #3 all over.  I expect I'll hate it, but then as my hair grows back out I'll try to let it grow higher on top while going tighter on the sides.

I often think these kinds of close haircuts are sexy on other guys.  But I've had the same haircut forever, looking different will be shocking to me.

But it cannot be worse than the crazy mop of hair I've got now.  It's flopping and curling all over the place, and when I get up in the morning, or after I exercise, I look like a mad professor until I take a shower.  It's been at least four months since K last cut it for me.  Wow, nearly four months since K moved away.  Doesn't seem that long, somehow.  But my life since has been a lot of same thing same thing same thing.

T is apparently having the first symptoms of a respiratory illness, immediately after returning from a "socially distanced" yoga weekend in the mountains with about 7 other people and some of their dogs -- he didn't realize he could've taken Dax along.  No fever yet, but he's feeling fatigue and nasal congestion.  He's being irritable and I'm trying to suggest he contact his doctor and that we begin taking precautions.

We'll see ...

We've started wearing masks inside the house.  He's concerned that if he's ill, then I will abandon him here and go to the condo.  I think if he's ill, then he should stay in his bedroom and use only his bathroom and I'm happy to bring him whatever he needs from elsewhere in the house.

But mainly I would like him to contact his doctor for advice at this point, and go get a COVID-19 test.

It could be a cold or the flu instead of COVID-19, these things have not completely disappeared.  T thinks the timing is too soon to have picked up COVID-19 over the weekend, but I don't know exactly what all went on while he was away from early Friday morning, and he's already randomly cursing at the fatigue he's feeling as he's trying to do laundry, so ...

If this is COVID-19, he's already been infectious since he got home yesterday afternoon and it may well be too late for me to avoid getting it, but we're beginning precautions and if he gets much sicker I imagine it will be easier to keep him in bed.

So far, only symptoms are nasal congestion and fatigue.

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Update: T has spoken with his primary care physician who said it is unlikely to be COVID-19 unless he develops a fever and cough.  I'm not going to argue with this advice, other than to say it is to early to be certain.  I asked T to put himself in my shoes -- how would you react if I had your symptoms?  Anyway ... we'll see.

Not as down about my work situation as I felt on Sunday afternoon and Monday morning.  I talked with the other manager in my workgroup about it and he felt my Boss had overreacted to things by turning an opportunity for constructive feedback into a lowering of my grades.  And I do realize there's no practical effect of these lower grades, except that I'm not getting a bonus this year either.  I'm probably not getting a bonus again until I get a new Boss.  But these bonuses were never that big, up to 1% of our salary.  Not like executive bonuses in the private sector.

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Also vigorous exercise is usually good for my mood, and I did some of that yesterday morning.

Also, two of the younger online buddies I've made recently have made a point to stay in contact with me, I'm not doing all the work of keeping our communications going.  Mark from Reddit and MG from Twitter.  They give me hope that After the Vaccine I will be able to rustle up some in-person fun.

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The rain/snow line is hovering near our house for tomorrow's winter storm.  This happens a lot in the DC area, we're often on the edge of snow storms and it is difficult for the meteorologists to predict exactly what will happen.  Will we get 6 inches of snow, or only rain?  The drama quotient is lower than usual though, because we're all working from home anyway, the federal government can't close due to inclement weather.

But will people still crowd the grocery stores?

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Google announced that it will now keep its employees home until September 30, 2021.  That seems like a safe bet -- it's going to take at least six months to get everybody vaccinated, and then a few months to reboot mass transit, day care, and commuting patterns.  I expect schools will go back to normal next fall.

Will we be a lot more flexible in granting sick leave and letting people work or attend class from home After the Vaccine?  If somebody has a cold or a flu-like illness, will we be less tolerant of them showing up in person anyway?  Will we resume packing large groups of people into conference rooms for meetings?  I wonder how much of our social distancing will stick around.  Or will everybody just go back to not caring whether they infect their family, friends, and coworkers with whatever viruses are floating around?  Some of us have appreciated not having a cold or flu infection since March 2020 -- I've accumulated a higher sick leave balance than ever!

I was talking with K about this on Saturday.  I think roughly half the population doesn't give a fuck and only follows social distancing rules if they are enforced by others -- they'd happily go to the bars and gyms if they were open, for example.  The other half the population is genuinely concerned and may have learned some permanent lessons from the Pandemic about social and personal hygiene.  We'll see this in how well the vaccines are accepted -- roughly half of the population will voluntarily get vaccinated, the other half will avoid it unless compelled by work or school.

Which means COVID-19 will not disappear during 2021 -- as a nation we'll decide the acceptable level of remaining illnesses and deaths as we aim to return to normal.  Some states and cities may still have restrictions on crowd size and mask requirements a year from now.  Imagine if wearing masks on trains and planes never stops?  We're already hearing stuff about international flights or cruise ships requiring proof of vaccination for passengers -- a year from now we could have vaccination passports.

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My Public Health friend believes there will be more pandemics in the near future, because human population keeps growing, global warming continues to accelerate, and international travel makes it so easy for viruses to hitch rides to other countries.

This may feel like "too soon!"  Don't make us think about the next pandemic yet!

But COVID-19 is not a one-off, there are countless other diseases constantly evolving.  Just as HIV is not the only STD -- though you wouldn't know it from how affluent young gay men on PREP behave.

Hospital-acquired antibiotic-resistant infections were already a problem, with tens of thousands of deaths per year in the US caused by illnesses that people caught while in the hospital for other reasons.  The proportion of nursing home residents dying from preventable infections was already huge, because of the lack of proper funding and oversight.

My Public Health friend hopes that one result of COVID-19 will be a permanently larger budget for public health in this country.  But I look at the present level of pandemic fatigue, and the current stalemate over additional COVID-19 funding in Congress, and I think -- nope, no way, too many people don't even want to take basic precautions during the worst pandemic in 100 years, why would they want to continue taking precautions after this?  Our country is more divided than it has been since the Civil War and Reconstruction.  People will just choose a reality in which they don't have to worry about germs.

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K told me about a recently released film in which COVID-23 ... that's all I needed to hear, I said, "Noooooo, now I cannot unhear that!"

But my favorite history podcaster published a book on October 29, 2019 -- his book contained a chapter about the history of pandemics.  When I read that chapter now ... he talks about how during past pandemics, "Entire cities would shut down."  And before that sounded fantastic, so hard to imagine.  Now I've lived through it, I'm still living through it.  This wasn't the first pandemic in human history, and it won't be the last.  But humans can't live as though a new pandemic is always about to happen.  We'll go back to the behaviors that allow disease to spread.  That's what we do.  We went back to fucking without condoms, we'll go back to the holiday parties and buffets, the weddings and funerals, the comic-cons and business conventions, the crowded theaters and concerts, the loud bars and dance clubs, the church choirs and teen slumber parties.

I think once there's no line to get the vaccine anymore, we'll go back to normal pretty quickly.  I think probably the only lasting change will be that office work will stay more virtual than it was before.  So there will be a reduction in business real estate, and an increase in residential real estate, as people's offices migrate from the business tower to the family home.  This is already underway, and I expect it will be partially permanent.  That's the only long-term change I expect from this.  Otherwise we'll snap back to normal pretty darn quickly.  By November 2024, the pandemic will be a distant nightmare, and we'll be fighting over something completely different and currently unexpected as once again we go to the polls to vote for either Biden or Trump.

Thanksgiving Day -- it'll just be me and T this year.  He tried to invite another household, and then a different another household, but folks weren't interested.  Which is totally fine with me, under the circumstances, because cases are spiking locally as well as nationally, and deaths are back over 2000/day.  I'd rather T and I don't become statistics.  But long ago T had ordered enough food for six people in anticipation of having a few other folks over, so we've got A LOT OF FOOD.  T prepared some of it yesterday, he'll prepare the rest this afternoon, we'll eat around 6pm, and will continue eating until I die from becoming fat.

After lunch my job is to go get wine.

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I do not know my word count for NaNoWriMo yet, but I went ahead and ended the story now rather than trying to squeeze in one more plot point between now and Monday night.  I will probably write about these characters again someday, but I want to switch over to creating music for a while.  I'll spend some time over the long weekend pulling all my various LJ fiction posts into a big Word document that contains the two "prequels" and this month's "novel".  Then I'll share it with anybody who wants to read it.

I enjoyed it!  That's what counts.  It reminds me of the creative writing I did in school -- in the way that I enjoyed doing it.

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This morning I took the financial information that T has provided to me and I looked over the past year's worth of joint expenses and I created a budget for 2021.  How many dollars for T to catch up, and then how many dollars per month, on average, to keep current.  Then we'll do quarterly reconciliations to divvy up any over/under spending.

After I plugged all of this into my own personal budget for next year, I saw that I've drastically underestimated my own cash flow -- I'll have a bunch more cash than I thought, once T catches up, assuming we stay caught up.  The basement fix was more affordable than I thought, if we keep current on all the other joint bills

This is perfect because I want to buy some more butt toys at Black Friday discounts tomorrow!  And now I don't feel too poor to do so!

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I cannot describe how HOT this Mark from Reddit is (not Matt, Mark).  So many things about how he looks and how he chats with me push my buttons.  He could be an amateur porn star if he wanted (for all I know he is a porn star but isn't going there with me, using a private account instead of his public account).  He's smart, well-mannered, into most of the kinks I'm into, and we're matching each other on pace and disclosure.  So many fellas skip the pleasantries when they chat with strangers, no "hi" or "later", no explanations for ending the chat in mid-paragraph or not responding for days, no willingness to talk about what's happening in the rest of their lives, often no face pics, no mention of family or boyfriends or job.

Mark just sounds like a normal guy to me.  Which means he's not normal, because I'm not normal, but you know what I mean.  And he's just so fucking HOT and sexy (naked) and handsome (clothed) I can barely handle it, man.  I hope I have caged wet dreams about him :o)

He lives in Canada, so no way to see him in person until After the Vaccine.  But I've enjoyed trading pics, videos, and chat with him so far.  Of course most of the Reddit fellas live far away.  That's kind of the point -- I need to avoid hitting things off with the local fellas via Recon or Grindr until I'm willing to actually meet them.

And for the past 16 years I've mostly avoided hitting things off with the long-distance fellas, because I want to actually meet them.  But I became too socially isolated during Quarantine.  My friend Steve helped me to break the online ice by playing some board games with me via FaceTime.  Then Matt from Reddit got me to download kik.  Now the deluge of kik-wielding hot boys who are into daddies.

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Before Quarantine, my sex life was mainly a keyholder partnership between Sirs Zero and Ben, with an occasional hookup or repeat visitor on the side.

During Quarantine, my sex life was all Sir Zero, until he moved away last month :-(

Now my sex life is the Cum Deck, my Time to Self, and my growing collection of Reddit boys.

After Quarantine, I'm not sure I'll just go back to Sir Ben as the Dude in Charge of Bug, although I have no reason to ghost or discard Sir Ben, I'd be happy to play with him, I miss him, I like him a lot.  But maybe the next phase of my sex life won't be about either Sir Zero or Sir Ben controlling access to my cock.  Maybe I'll work out a new set of rules, maybe some other guy will become my primary sexual/romantic partner, maybe I'll be happy single and uncollared as I amass a crowd of local friends-with-benefits.  I don't know.  But I don't think I'll just return to where I left off in mid-March 2020.

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If I stick with the Cum Deck until After the Vaccine, and keep playing around online with HOT Reddit boys, it's bound to eventually drive me fucking crazy.  I designed the Advanced Rules to be challenging ... ... ... and so far they've been easier than they should be; on average I shouldn't have drawn two cum cards already.  It means the rest of the deck will likely be about 3x tougher than what I've experienced so far.  Eeek.  Help!

How many weeks ago did I have to pause my weightlifting because of all the basement prep?  And the related tricep injury from crawling around like a crab.  Well, I'm back at it this morning, after a great 4-mile hike with Dax.

Taking it easy on the weights as I always do after a break, but I'm adding one new exercise to the mix to work my pecs a bit more, now that Matt from Reddit is masturbating to my pecs LOL.  If you cum because of my muscles I will work harder on them! :o)

When I began modeling the Cum Deck, I figured an exact model would be impossible; I figured the interactions between the random orderings of the cards would allow me to estimate odds, but not determine the odds of a given deck configuration.  But after repeated tinkerings with my spreadsheet, I think I've finally created an exact model, and it is a bit more forgiving to the player than my earlier estimates.

So now my expected orgasm date is New Year's Day, LOL.  But this is merely the average of all the possibilities, assuming I draw a card every day I'm allowed.  As I think forward to Wednesday, what if I don't draw a card that day?  What if I want to wait until the weekend when I'd have more time to enjoy the 10% chance of a positive draw?

And now I'm already thinking one orgasm won't be enough on whatever day I draw an Ace.  That one orgasm would be a horrible tease.  Though not as horrible as drawing a Queen (8% chance), which is the "unlock and edge but don't cum" card.

I've designed an artificial intelligence keyholder, heh.

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One of the tensions I have, probably most people have, with BDSM is wanting to give up some control but not all control.  There's the fantasy of "no limits" but unless you don't mind being mercilessly tortured to death, you've got limits.  And most of us want to break a rule from time to time.  So ... at times I feel tempted to ignore this Oracle of the Cum Deck.  Why can't I just take off the cage and touch my cock and have as many orgasms in a row as I want?  Or something less extreme, such as playing with my nipples until I cum, which I know can happen.  I haven't done these things yet, I've gone 43 days without an orgasm, because I consent to the rules I'm under.  But what if tomorrow I no longer consent?

Many people find it helps if another person enforces the rules, but BDSM is still consensual, even if somebody else is exercising their own creativity in designing and enforcing rules for you that lie within your limits.  Even if somebody else is holding the key, or wielding the paddle.  You get to have a Safe Word, you can call it off.

You can fantasize about feeling trapped, but you asked for it.

Some people have fantasies about being kidnapped and stuck in a nonconsensual BDSM role, but they're still driving the fantasy in their own minds.  It's still an illusion of giving up control.

So why is this illusion so potent?  This feeling that I do not control when I'll have another orgasm, even though I'm the one who designed the game, I'm the one who consents to play the game, and I could choose to have an orgasm RIGHT NOW.

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The first time I designed a Cum Deck and played this game, Sir Zero was temporarily working in another country and I wanted a temporary replacement authority while he was away.  My first review of my own game was that it wasn't nearly as fun as having another person tell me whether I could cum or not.

But this time it's Quarantine that is temporarily depriving me of an in-person Sir.  I've redesigned the Cum Deck to be more challenging, and so far it is driving me crazy.  But I'd still rather have another person in charge.  And the Cum Deck only resolves one issue.  It doesn't make up for the lack of monthly spanking parties and the lack of sex.

I've always had my Time to Self sessions, though.  Even when other people are available I still want my Time to Self.  After almost every monthly spanking party I've had Time to Self afterward.  Many times after meeting up with other players I still have Time to Self afterward.  K texted me the other day that even when I'm 100 years old I'll still be playing with butt toys and needing Time to Self.  Part of why our relationship works so well is that he has no problem with me playing with butt toys in the same room as he's in, even if he's doing something else (working, sleeping, eating, having conversations with me).

If I could design an AI BDSM robot to do more than just randomizing my orgasms -- to have it spank me, play with my butt, tie me up, torture my nipples and balls, fuck my throat and my ass -- that could be fun, but after Quarantine ends I'd still seek out human partners for the emotional connection and the unpredictability.  My Cum Deck may be random, but it is nevertheless perfectly predictable.  My human Sirs have never been perfectly predictable.  And they also talk with me about my life and their lives and the world around us.

Heh, there are also AI conversationalists, dating back to the 1960s with ELIZA.  I could combine my BDSM AI with a conversation AI -- at which point would my AI Sir begin to pass the Turing test?  And if an AI Sir could pass the Turing test, would I need a human Sir anymore?  Would I need any humans anymore?  Just give me a few AI Sirs with somewhat different personalities and activity ranges.

And now I'm having more ideas for where my NaNoWriMo could go next, heh.