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m_d_hWhen I began modeling the Cum Deck, I figured an exact model would be impossible; I figured the interactions between the random orderings of the cards would allow me to estimate odds, but not determine the odds of a given deck configuration. But after repeated tinkerings with my spreadsheet, I think I've finally created an exact model, and it is a bit more forgiving to the player than my earlier estimates.
So now my expected orgasm date is New Year's Day, LOL. But this is merely the average of all the possibilities, assuming I draw a card every day I'm allowed. As I think forward to Wednesday, what if I don't draw a card that day? What if I want to wait until the weekend when I'd have more time to enjoy the 10% chance of a positive draw?
And now I'm already thinking one orgasm won't be enough on whatever day I draw an Ace. That one orgasm would be a horrible tease. Though not as horrible as drawing a Queen (8% chance), which is the "unlock and edge but don't cum" card.
I've designed an artificial intelligence keyholder, heh.
-----
One of the tensions I have, probably most people have, with BDSM is wanting to give up some control but not all control. There's the fantasy of "no limits" but unless you don't mind being mercilessly tortured to death, you've got limits. And most of us want to break a rule from time to time. So ... at times I feel tempted to ignore this Oracle of the Cum Deck. Why can't I just take off the cage and touch my cock and have as many orgasms in a row as I want? Or something less extreme, such as playing with my nipples until I cum, which I know can happen. I haven't done these things yet, I've gone 43 days without an orgasm, because I consent to the rules I'm under. But what if tomorrow I no longer consent?
Many people find it helps if another person enforces the rules, but BDSM is still consensual, even if somebody else is exercising their own creativity in designing and enforcing rules for you that lie within your limits. Even if somebody else is holding the key, or wielding the paddle. You get to have a Safe Word, you can call it off.
You can fantasize about feeling trapped, but you asked for it.
Some people have fantasies about being kidnapped and stuck in a nonconsensual BDSM role, but they're still driving the fantasy in their own minds. It's still an illusion of giving up control.
So why is this illusion so potent? This feeling that I do not control when I'll have another orgasm, even though I'm the one who designed the game, I'm the one who consents to play the game, and I could choose to have an orgasm RIGHT NOW.
-----
The first time I designed a Cum Deck and played this game, Sir Zero was temporarily working in another country and I wanted a temporary replacement authority while he was away. My first review of my own game was that it wasn't nearly as fun as having another person tell me whether I could cum or not.
But this time it's Quarantine that is temporarily depriving me of an in-person Sir. I've redesigned the Cum Deck to be more challenging, and so far it is driving me crazy. But I'd still rather have another person in charge. And the Cum Deck only resolves one issue. It doesn't make up for the lack of monthly spanking parties and the lack of sex.
I've always had my Time to Self sessions, though. Even when other people are available I still want my Time to Self. After almost every monthly spanking party I've had Time to Self afterward. Many times after meeting up with other players I still have Time to Self afterward. K texted me the other day that even when I'm 100 years old I'll still be playing with butt toys and needing Time to Self. Part of why our relationship works so well is that he has no problem with me playing with butt toys in the same room as he's in, even if he's doing something else (working, sleeping, eating, having conversations with me).
If I could design an AI BDSM robot to do more than just randomizing my orgasms -- to have it spank me, play with my butt, tie me up, torture my nipples and balls, fuck my throat and my ass -- that could be fun, but after Quarantine ends I'd still seek out human partners for the emotional connection and the unpredictability. My Cum Deck may be random, but it is nevertheless perfectly predictable. My human Sirs have never been perfectly predictable. And they also talk with me about my life and their lives and the world around us.
Heh, there are also AI conversationalists, dating back to the 1960s with ELIZA. I could combine my BDSM AI with a conversation AI -- at which point would my AI Sir begin to pass the Turing test? And if an AI Sir could pass the Turing test, would I need a human Sir anymore? Would I need any humans anymore? Just give me a few AI Sirs with somewhat different personalities and activity ranges.
And now I'm having more ideas for where my NaNoWriMo could go next, heh.
So now my expected orgasm date is New Year's Day, LOL. But this is merely the average of all the possibilities, assuming I draw a card every day I'm allowed. As I think forward to Wednesday, what if I don't draw a card that day? What if I want to wait until the weekend when I'd have more time to enjoy the 10% chance of a positive draw?
And now I'm already thinking one orgasm won't be enough on whatever day I draw an Ace. That one orgasm would be a horrible tease. Though not as horrible as drawing a Queen (8% chance), which is the "unlock and edge but don't cum" card.
I've designed an artificial intelligence keyholder, heh.
-----
One of the tensions I have, probably most people have, with BDSM is wanting to give up some control but not all control. There's the fantasy of "no limits" but unless you don't mind being mercilessly tortured to death, you've got limits. And most of us want to break a rule from time to time. So ... at times I feel tempted to ignore this Oracle of the Cum Deck. Why can't I just take off the cage and touch my cock and have as many orgasms in a row as I want? Or something less extreme, such as playing with my nipples until I cum, which I know can happen. I haven't done these things yet, I've gone 43 days without an orgasm, because I consent to the rules I'm under. But what if tomorrow I no longer consent?
Many people find it helps if another person enforces the rules, but BDSM is still consensual, even if somebody else is exercising their own creativity in designing and enforcing rules for you that lie within your limits. Even if somebody else is holding the key, or wielding the paddle. You get to have a Safe Word, you can call it off.
You can fantasize about feeling trapped, but you asked for it.
Some people have fantasies about being kidnapped and stuck in a nonconsensual BDSM role, but they're still driving the fantasy in their own minds. It's still an illusion of giving up control.
So why is this illusion so potent? This feeling that I do not control when I'll have another orgasm, even though I'm the one who designed the game, I'm the one who consents to play the game, and I could choose to have an orgasm RIGHT NOW.
-----
The first time I designed a Cum Deck and played this game, Sir Zero was temporarily working in another country and I wanted a temporary replacement authority while he was away. My first review of my own game was that it wasn't nearly as fun as having another person tell me whether I could cum or not.
But this time it's Quarantine that is temporarily depriving me of an in-person Sir. I've redesigned the Cum Deck to be more challenging, and so far it is driving me crazy. But I'd still rather have another person in charge. And the Cum Deck only resolves one issue. It doesn't make up for the lack of monthly spanking parties and the lack of sex.
I've always had my Time to Self sessions, though. Even when other people are available I still want my Time to Self. After almost every monthly spanking party I've had Time to Self afterward. Many times after meeting up with other players I still have Time to Self afterward. K texted me the other day that even when I'm 100 years old I'll still be playing with butt toys and needing Time to Self. Part of why our relationship works so well is that he has no problem with me playing with butt toys in the same room as he's in, even if he's doing something else (working, sleeping, eating, having conversations with me).
If I could design an AI BDSM robot to do more than just randomizing my orgasms -- to have it spank me, play with my butt, tie me up, torture my nipples and balls, fuck my throat and my ass -- that could be fun, but after Quarantine ends I'd still seek out human partners for the emotional connection and the unpredictability. My Cum Deck may be random, but it is nevertheless perfectly predictable. My human Sirs have never been perfectly predictable. And they also talk with me about my life and their lives and the world around us.
Heh, there are also AI conversationalists, dating back to the 1960s with ELIZA. I could combine my BDSM AI with a conversation AI -- at which point would my AI Sir begin to pass the Turing test? And if an AI Sir could pass the Turing test, would I need a human Sir anymore? Would I need any humans anymore? Just give me a few AI Sirs with somewhat different personalities and activity ranges.
And now I'm having more ideas for where my NaNoWriMo could go next, heh.