VirtualExile

I live in this locked-almost-always-horny world and most guys are not always horny

I think I slowly learned cock dysphoria because I enjoyed my life better while my cock was caged and I wasn't allowed to cum.

Because I enjoy my life better when my cock is caged and I'm not allowed to cum.

I'm suddenly distracted by all these Eunuchs in Chinese history.  WTF!?!  So now on an Internet tangent reading about Eunuchs ... I'm into chastity, sure, but that's to keep my balls bottled up and horny, not to get rid of them.

I'd always wanted to buy this model, but various now-irrelevant reasons led me to buy the Ghost and the Leopard instead in previous years.  Partly because I'd given my Sirs a voice in which model I bought, but right now I have no active Sir, so Bug buys the model he wants with no input from others!

It looks great, it fits perfectly after one night.  It's the same size as the previous two, just a different tube design, so I expect it will fit as comfortably as the other two over the long haul.  Perhaps there will be occasional chafing as with any device, but the interior of the FMJ is smoother than the interior of the previous two, because it doesn't have as many cut-throughs.  The point of the FMJ (Full Metal Jacket) is to present a more solid cage, although it does offer some ventilation.  It's also easy to clean while wearing it, which I determined in the shower last night as I put it on.

It took a long time to get here, and there was nearly zero customer service along the way, but they did eventually provide me with a custom 3-D printed device according to my specifications.

I'll probably trim the next time I'm at the condo.

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I also need to cut my hair again.  My previous attempt served me well; I was not embarrassed by how I looked.  I'm going to try one setting shorter all around this time.  Ideally between now and B's birthday celebration so I can look nice for that small within-bubble social event.

No idea yet when this will happen, but here's my To Do List for After the Vaccine:

• Dental checkup
• Professional haircut
• Annual physical
• Renew driver's license
• Travel to Portland, OR to visit K and MAB
• Gather with family
• Snuggle date w/ Steve
• Download hookup apps, schedule play dates, ask fellas for permission to cum (48 days so far!)

More broadly, after everybody who wants the vaccine has received it in the US: board game parties, our annual Christmas Eve orphans party, indoor dining, concerts & theater.  Hopefully the monthly spanking parties will resume?

It's been great never having a respiratory illness during Quarantine.  After I resume socializing I'll probably resume having a few colds each year, and about half of them will kick off multi-day asthma attacks like before.  Nobody misses the multi-day asthma attacks!

And I'll definitely continue getting my annual flu shots, as well as any COVID booster shots that come along.  I'm 100% pro-vaccination.  I want all the shots!

[Thinking about asking fellas for permission to cum made me horny.]

I don't know what was going on in dreamland last night, my cock was super hard all night long, smashing into the cage, waking me frequently, and it hurt this morning, it felt like the skin was chafing.  And it kept feeling this way as the morning progressed ... so I brought the frozen keys with me to the condo, and thawed them, and released my cock, and ...

Yup, there's some chafing on the top edge of the glans.  So, I should either switch to the metal cage for a while, or have some free willy.  For now, I'm free willy, with moisturizing lotion.  I'd better not cum, or I'll have to pay the fine!

Chafing can occur with any design/material, hell you can chafe your penis even if you don't do chastity play.  Sometimes I've chafed it during long runs, even while free willy.

I have no idea when the FMJ might arrive, if ever.  I think I'll send them another email this weekend ... but I'll have to do something different from the Leopard for at least a few days to let my cockhead heal.  I should set a final limit of two months -- if no FMJ after two months and no explanation via email then I'll request a refund from my credit card company.  That feels reasonable for a small business making custom devices during a pandemic.  Sigh.

So, I quit work at 2pm, been chillin' watching a film, not sure whether I like it or not, it either isn't good or it is a slow burn ... not sure yet ...

Probably here until 5pm Sunday.  I think on Sunday I'll probably work -- will try to catch up on EVERYTHING, all admin, all cases, all classes, get totally caught up, earn some credit hours and then maybe take next Friday off for a 3-day weekend.

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Oh, it looks like when the temps broke above freezing this afternoon T was able to EASILY shovel the sleetstack, he sent me a pic of a clean driveway.  Fucker.  That was impossible while temps were below freezing.  Absolutely fuckin' impossible.

Lifted weights this morning, was pretty darn hungry afterward.  Been working today of course but it's been another light day, now I'm catching up on the stuff that came in this week.  The workflow is always sort of random, either too much or I'm catching up.  I'll probably take tomorrow afternoon off, and I'm thinking I'll drive to the condo in the morning, do a video workout there, have my two work meetings, and then relax by myself until the morning.

Took Dax to the playground in the snow, now he's snoring next to me.

Returning to the house on Saturday, and then T was thinking of spending TWO nights away at B's apartment, returning on Monday for our scheduled discussion about our money situation (Monday is a federal holiday).

If I get that much Time to Self I'll almost certainly spend part of it pounding on the keyboard and learning about my DAWs.

Will probably watch one episode of Euphoria each sober evening until I'm caught up -- there's nine more episodes.

My turn to cook this evening.

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Once again I took a short porn break after I meditated, continued watching the same video from yesterday as I played with my nipples and imagined having real intimacy with another fella.  Case counts have been coming down but they're still way higher than last summer when I was more willing to schedule time with individual people outside of our bubble -- back when K was about to move away I thought that of course I'd substitute in some other guy as my intimacy outlet, but then after he did move away case counts were rising and kept rising and kept rising until about a month ago, and they're still too damn high.  If I'm not willing to get a haircut, I'm not willing to hookup with somebody either.  I remember how T caught something from his yoga retreat buddies even though they were trying to social distance.

When the FMJ arrives and I swap into it, I'll have an opportunity to trim my pubes first and I could be sorely tempted to have a free willy orgasm before I lock back up.  If I do that, I've got the financial penalty to pay.  I cannot control my future self but right now I hope my future self stands firm and waits until I can play with another fella, let him be the guy who gives me permission and brings me off for the first time in months.  But my balls spent a billion years evolving to produce that next batch of sperm, it gets ever more frustrating to keep them from shooting out, that's a lot of evolutionary pressure to stand against indefinitely.

Or, I could finally give myself a prostate orgasm.  But that's a bigger production than playing with my nipples for a few minutes each day.

I had an enjoyable "mental health evening" :-)

Although I opened a bottle of wine we didn't finish it.  I read some fiction from the 1950s, ate a delightful vegetarian delivery dinner and had some pleasant conversations with T, and then was in bed by 8:30pm.

I woke very early this morning, though.  My sleep hours are all over the place during Quarantine.  I'm napping more often, going to bed early more often, staying up late more often.  My life was more regimented before, when I had the daily commute of at least an hour each way.

Today it will be sunny and most of the sidewalks are already clear of ice, so I'll try running this afternoon in between work meetings.  I already stretched this morning before breakfast.  Then tomorrow morning should be weight lifting, my arms should have recovered from the snow shoveling by then.

T & B made their weekend plans -- T is going to B's apartment on Saturday, so I get Saturday night to myself at the house.  If I want Friday night to myself also I could go to the condo for one night, T sounded OK with that idea last night.  He may want some time to himself before seeing B.  I'll decide on that tomorrow morning.

25 days since my last orgasm, and I'm in the horribly perpetually horny stage :o)  Without the hope of a "yes" from the Oracle this time, without the hope of a "yes" from anybody for an unknown period of time.  Trying to make this final stage of Quarantine different from the previous stages, by doing this to myself.  There was Stage One when I was seeing K every couple of weeks and sometimes he'd let me have orgasms with him.  There was Stage Two when K moved away and I switched to the Oracle (under a newly designed set of rules, more difficult than the previous time I consulted the Oracle) and had pretty good luck with it.  Stage Three came after I spontaneously and unexpectedly defied the Oracle and had an orgasm anyway ... so I wanted to tighten the rules further, and after some hilarity came up with the current Freezer Boy situation.

This morning as I rested in bed my cock was as hard as it can get inside the Leopard and all I wanted to do was unlock it and stroke it and cum.  But the keys are inside a block of ice.  And now T knows it, he asked me what was in the freezer and I told him.  He presumed that I have a Sir, and I didn't correct him, but I don't.  It's all me right now.

I hadn't thought about how I was implicitly punishing myself for quitting the Oracle by wanting to "throw away the keys".  In retrospect it is more obvious that I was reacting to my inability to follow my own rules.  If I couldn't wait until receiving permission to cum, then I shouldn't get to cum at all.  But how?

Other than throwing away the keys to the Leopard, I could give them to another human for safekeeping.  One of you local readers offered to hold onto them for me.  And I'm sure I could drop them off at Ben's house for safekeeping, he'd love that.  I guess that's the next step if the freezer doesn't work as sufficient deterrent.  Then I'd have to beg with another human to please let me have them back, and then travel to see him if he agreed.  Thinking about this turns me on, LOL.  There's also an intermediate step, I could leave the block of ice at the house when I go to the condo, or vice versa, depending on which location has the most risk of me breaking the rule.

So ... let's think on that point.  I broke the rule at the house.  Yeah, I was unlocking at the condo while intoxicated, but I also wasn't so interested in having an orgasm while intoxicated.  Like most guys, it is more difficult for me to cum if I'm drinking alcohol.  I was at the house and sober when I had the unlawful orgasm.  Keeping the keys inside a block of ice should be deterrent against using them while intoxicated.  Keeping the block of ice at the condo should be deterrent against using them while at the house.  Plus I spend more time at the house, so the condo would be the better deterrent.

OK, assuming I go to the condo tomorrow, I'll take the keys there and leave them there.  I'm not worried about chafing anymore, I've been wearing the Leopard long enough and during every sort of activity, it's fine.

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Oh, if I get the house to myself on Saturday, that's when I'm cutting my hair!

I've thought about trying to do a "longer on top, tapered on the sides" kind of haircut, and I read a How To article ... but I still think it would be easier for me to do that in the future if I start with a #3 all over butch cut.  Then as my hair grows back out, I could continue to keep the sides at #3 (or even #2) while letting the top grow out, while learning to taper it with a #4.

I think I will be totally happy to go back to having a professional cut my hair after I get the vaccine.  But I want to try this.  Even if I hate the result.

Saturday!

I had to work until 4pm -- drove here during my lunch hour -- but now I'm chillin' intoxicatin' playin' (with toys) watchin' (porn) etc. :-)

I did manage to lift weights this morning, so that was five days in a row of completely awesome cross training -- yoga, dance, run, hike, lift.  I still feel fat ;-)  But I still fit into my pants, so I don't know where that perception is coming from.  Ancient insecurities.  Wanting to be an underwear model.  At age 53 ;-)

I want to remove my cage and play with my cock!  But the keys are frozen inside a block of ice.  I brought the frozen container with me, put it in the freezer here at the condo, because I'm a little concerned about my cock skin chafing inside this Leopard, and that I might be stuck here by the snow for an extra day, maybe.  The ice didn't thaw at all during the drive, that container is a good insulator, which is why it took so long to freeze back on Saturday.  I've only been Freezer Boy for six days.

I think my cock skin is probably fine, although I cannot see it, but I wanted the frozen keys nearby just in case.

I've received no word from Custom Chastity about the FMJ I ordered!  Last time it took them four days to acknowledge my order.  This time it has been five days with no word.  If they just never make it for me I can dispute the charge of course ... I know they're a small operation and that they batch their orders when they have time, but my other two orders moved faster than this ... I'll probably bug them about it tomorrow.  What's my plan B?  Keep wearing the Leopard even though I think it is ugly, LOL.  Not only is my cock locked, its cage is ugly!  Once upon a time I preferred this cage to the Ghost, because it keeps my cock well hidden but also well ventilated.  But it's ugly!

And why ever did I stop wearing my custom metal cage during Quarantine, that's my favorite!!  And I won't be able to wear it when my office reopens, not until I retire.  Well, I wanted to hide my cock, so I couldn't see it, couldn't slip my fingers between the metal bars.  The FMJ would hide it even better, but ... I have to let go of the timeline.  I'll bug them tomorrow.  If they never make it, they never make it, and I stick with this Leopard.  They'll probably make it.  Sigh.  Patience, Bug, this is a custom job by a part-time business.

19 days since my last orgasm.  Supposedly I'm waiting until After the Vaccine and then I'm making out with some fella and he gives me permission to uncage and cum, if he'll even let me -- Please, Sir X?  Back before Quarantine most of them wouldn't let me uncage and cum.  Once they realized I was serious about giving them this power over me, they usually said, "No." Only a minority of guys were so into seeing fellas cum that they'd unlock me.  But this morning I looked at the Oracle of the Cum Deck again, and wondered whether to put her in charge again.  Even though I dumped her rather suddenly on that day when T blew up at me and I felt like FUCK EVERYTHING.  The block of ice is supposed to give me pause next time.  Let me get over my mood while the ice is thawing.

It's probably a better solution than throwing away the keys, because cutting open a plastic cage is way quicker and easier than waiting for ice to thaw.  Though, I could boil the block of ice to speed things up ... would still take longer than cutting open a cage, heh.

My present self cannot bind my future self.  My future self might decide FUCK EVERYTHING again and just have an orgasm.  But at least I did set up a monetary penalty system for 2021.  I'm allowed to have a prostate orgasm, if I can even do that to myself, for free, because I've never had a solo prostate orgasm.  A nipple-only orgasm would cost 1d6 x $25.  Any other kind of orgasm while caged would cost 1d6 x $50 (wet dreams are free, however, I so rarely have those anyway).  Thawing out the keys and unlocking my cage to cum directly would cost 1d6 x $150.  Keep me honest, friends.  If I break down and have an orgasm Before the Vaccine, I've gotta give some cash to charity.  My budget can handle giving up to $900 to the local food bank.

That's probably better than going back to the Oracle of the Cum Deck.  The answer, Bug, is NO, you may not cum.  If you persist anyway, there's a toll charge.  And everybody knows it.

I'm still locked, I didn't unlock myself while I was intoxicated.  Goal achieved, freezer boy.

One week continuously locked in the Leopard and two weeks since my last orgasm.