Dax is gone :-(
23 April 2021 14:44Just since the vet last saw him on Monday, Dax had developed a new and alarming -- to the vet -- symptom: pale gums.
These pale gums signified possible anemia, from possible internal bleeding, of which -- as the vet investigated this morning -- there was plenty, because of a new and quickly growing malignant tumor of the spleen that had probably spread to other major organs already.
We had internal imaging of Dax from just a month ago, when they were going to do that elective surgery, and this fist-sized tumor had not been present at that time. A fast-growing malignant metastasizing tumor. Life expectancy from this point would not be long, and it would be increasingly painful. Although they could do surgery to try to remove the tumor, the vet said, "Once I opened up, I'd likely find it had spread, and I'd advise you not to let Dax wake up."
This didn't have anything to do with the liver problem that postponed his elective surgery, or the several benign growths that would have been removed. I'm so fucking glad Dax didn't spend the last month of his life recovering from that surgery -- surgery that I opposed, but not strongly enough, but ... it never happened anyway.
So instead we let Dax go today. I really didn't think this would be how the day went. I thought even if we found the cause of the tummy problems today, and it was bad like cancer, that we'd have some time left. When we learned Edwina had cancer, we took care of her at home until she passed peacefully in her sleep. But there was no time left for Dax. He was bleeding internally, and in pain, and it would very quickly get worse.
I did not intend our Thursday night PIZZA meal to be Dax's last supper, but at least it was his favorite, pizza crust, and he definitely enjoyed it. And then I joined T and Dax in bed for a while to sing Dax to sleep with his favorite songs that I'd "written", like, "There's a Pup for Us" and "We Will, We Will, Dax You". When we saw him this afternoon to say goodbye, he was no longer interested in pizza crust, or his favorite songs. I'd brought some crust along -- and the toy he'd played "Keep Away From Bug" with this morning. This morning he and I were running around the house, chasing each other for that toy! I thought he was getting better with the antibiotics! Yeah, the UTI, also not related to the cancer.
Early this morning I said to T, "I think we're pulling the trigger too early on taking him back to the vet, he seems to be improving, maybe a few more days of the antibiotic." But together we decided there was no harm in taking him in for some more tests and supportive care -- at least it would give us a day off from taking care of him and the emotional roller coaster of watching his various symptoms come and go.
He seemed fine this morning! Shit.
We comforted Dax for a few minutes outside under a tree, while the vet and the nursing staff put out some blankets and brought out the injections that would send him away. We took a few last pictures of him. And then we held him as he passed away.
We sang his favorite songs to him as he got sleepy from the first shot, and then he went under from the second shot, and then he stopped breathing from the third shot.
These pale gums signified possible anemia, from possible internal bleeding, of which -- as the vet investigated this morning -- there was plenty, because of a new and quickly growing malignant tumor of the spleen that had probably spread to other major organs already.
We had internal imaging of Dax from just a month ago, when they were going to do that elective surgery, and this fist-sized tumor had not been present at that time. A fast-growing malignant metastasizing tumor. Life expectancy from this point would not be long, and it would be increasingly painful. Although they could do surgery to try to remove the tumor, the vet said, "Once I opened up, I'd likely find it had spread, and I'd advise you not to let Dax wake up."
This didn't have anything to do with the liver problem that postponed his elective surgery, or the several benign growths that would have been removed. I'm so fucking glad Dax didn't spend the last month of his life recovering from that surgery -- surgery that I opposed, but not strongly enough, but ... it never happened anyway.
So instead we let Dax go today. I really didn't think this would be how the day went. I thought even if we found the cause of the tummy problems today, and it was bad like cancer, that we'd have some time left. When we learned Edwina had cancer, we took care of her at home until she passed peacefully in her sleep. But there was no time left for Dax. He was bleeding internally, and in pain, and it would very quickly get worse.
I did not intend our Thursday night PIZZA meal to be Dax's last supper, but at least it was his favorite, pizza crust, and he definitely enjoyed it. And then I joined T and Dax in bed for a while to sing Dax to sleep with his favorite songs that I'd "written", like, "There's a Pup for Us" and "We Will, We Will, Dax You". When we saw him this afternoon to say goodbye, he was no longer interested in pizza crust, or his favorite songs. I'd brought some crust along -- and the toy he'd played "Keep Away From Bug" with this morning. This morning he and I were running around the house, chasing each other for that toy! I thought he was getting better with the antibiotics! Yeah, the UTI, also not related to the cancer.
Early this morning I said to T, "I think we're pulling the trigger too early on taking him back to the vet, he seems to be improving, maybe a few more days of the antibiotic." But together we decided there was no harm in taking him in for some more tests and supportive care -- at least it would give us a day off from taking care of him and the emotional roller coaster of watching his various symptoms come and go.
He seemed fine this morning! Shit.
We comforted Dax for a few minutes outside under a tree, while the vet and the nursing staff put out some blankets and brought out the injections that would send him away. We took a few last pictures of him. And then we held him as he passed away.
We sang his favorite songs to him as he got sleepy from the first shot, and then he went under from the second shot, and then he stopped breathing from the third shot.