VirtualExile

Today was crazy busy!  But I was still able to quit work at 3pm.  For me, "busy" usually means my work day is packed instead of lazy, I rarely have to work late or on weekends unless I want to, for the purpose of feeling caught up on Monday morning.  And I took Dax on a sub-freezing hike before starting my work day.  And now I'm here at the condo until Sunday, so, it's all good.

My butt is back to normal!!!!!!  Stupid food poisoning.

Yesterday and today have felt super busy to the point where I'm starting to worry I have early onset dementia, my brain was worn out when I crawled into bed last night, and my fingers weren't working correctly as I was typing, about one typo per word was hopping onto the screen.  Lots of backspacing.  I was pretty worried about Dax, it seems, between not really wanting him to have surgery, and then having my wish fulfilled only because his liver is ... something something's not right.

But Dax is the same Dax!  He loved his hike this morning!  He was a little tired and stiff afterward, though.  But so was I.  I think Dax is older than I am now.  Old Man Dax!  He can't go running anymore, his liver is inflamed, he sleeps all day.  But he's as happy as ever to snuggle, to go on walks and hikes, to eat his meals.  He's a happy dog.  And he's in good shape for an old man, sorta like I am ;-)

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I hear of more and more people I know "in person" getting their shots now.  And then their second shots.  In MoCo the age has dropped from 75+ to 65+.  I am fucking determined to live long enough to get my own shot(s) damn it.  I'm probably going to hunker down completely until then, I don't want to waste a year of Quarantine when the end is in sight.

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So, when T and B were discussing going to a museum on Sunday, and asked me whether I was interested, I said no.  Even though the website was all about how they are SOCIAL DISTANCING and such.  Nope.  I'm not spending hours indoors with strangers, no matter how many masks they wear, no matter how many feet away they are.  I remember when T went to his socially distant yoga weekend and then came back sick with a respiratory virus that we had to assume was COVID.  Nope.  I'm not going to do anyfuckingthing except house and condo and in between until this is over.

Except for darting into the beer/wine convenience store for a couple minutes to grab some alcohol.  I still haven't purchased any liquor yet since last year, since before the Holiday Wave.



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I've sold all three of my 2021 play money trades now, and all three earned a profit.  I think I will never sell a stock index short again, as that (short sale of QQQ) was the only losing trade I've had of all my several play money trades stretching back into the year before last.  Broad stock indices are too irrational for selling short!  They've been climbing relentlessly for decades now, and this cannot possibly go on forever, but I'm not going to fight the standard advice that everybody should invest in stocks forever no matter what.  My play money trades will focus elsewhere.

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It actually feels relaxing to not have a play money trade right now.  It's work to investigate, plan, and monitor these trades.

Again, all my profits are going to charity 10x or more.

My retirement account is in full defensive mode, and has been for several months now.  I don't play around with that pile of money, that pile has to last me some unknown number of decades (but between 0-5, I don't expect to live beyond 103).

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Experimenting with Spotify is going well so far.  I upgraded to Premium because I don't mind paying if the service meets my needs, and I want to play with all the options before deciding whether to keep it or not.  There's so much mediocre music in the world I question why I'd want to create my own album, even if completing this project is probably several years in the future.  Mainly, here it is --> spending time creating my own music helps me to appreciate other musicians' work SO MUCH MORE!  I have a much more critical ear now then I used to.  I often feel like I know what was going through their minds, what they were asking their DAWs to do.  Truly, it's more about music appreciation than creation.  But if I end up liking what I create, so much the better.

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And, that's a wrap, now I can focus on butt play to an extent I could not last weekend, and listen to music like I haven't since last October :-)

An OCD lifestyle is repetitious enough during normal times, now ...

Back to condo, warming up for toy play, yep.  Quit work at 1pm.  I got here before 9am, thought I'd do a yoga or dance video, but was feeling worn out from my previous exercising this week, so I just stretched and then got to work.

The plan is I get another two nights to self at the house, while T is visiting B, but at the moment that feels like just barely enough Time to Self.

Custom Chastity went totally dark -- now I can't access my account and asking for a reset password does nothing, LOL.  I'll just have to trust them to do their jobs and send me the FMJ.  I'll give it another week before I inquire again.

The White House announced they've obtained enough vaccine doses to jab every adult twice -- by the end of July.  Let's give them a month's wiggle room and say the end of August.  Hopefully it will go faster.  We're still stuck at a 75+ age cutoff here in suburban Maryland.  I've seen quite a few young fellas on Twitter who work in health care brag about getting their shots, though.  And shots are going to the military, to prisoners, to teachers, to police.  But what about the 65+ Seniors who are at most risk??  Hang in there people, six months from now everybody who wants a shot will have received a shot.  If it were up to me, I'd just go by birthdate to cover the oldest people first.  Age is the biggest risk factor for COVID!

T is getting an emergency root canal this afternoon, poor guy.  Between Dax's health care needs and T's dentistry, we've got some unusual expenses.  Things may be tight for the next couple of months.  But what would I spend money on anyway?

Figure that sometime this summer I'll have the vaccine and will move forward into the new normal.  Until then, my repetitious life continues ... unless case counts come down far enough that I'll risk adding one fuckbuddy to my bubble.

Here we go, I'm going to throw away the keys to my Black Box.  I will only be able to escape by destroying the device.  It's OK, I can buy a new one for $20, it's a mass production item.

First, tomorrow I'm going to unlock and trim my pubes, as I won't be able to trim them as effectively again until I destroy the Black Box.

Second, tomorrow while unlocked I'm going to sand down one of the edges of the Black Box, it's not quite a sharp edge but I want to make it a little blunter where the tube opening meets my pelvic skin, it's causing a red mark.  It's intended to be an "anti-escape" feature but it's causing a red mark.

Third, I might want to play with my electricity toys before locking back up.  Might, we'll see.  I'm not going to have an orgasm while unlocked either way.

Then, I will lock back up and throw away the keys.  I'll have to head outside and toss them into the alley dumpster, LOL.

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As it is possible to have an orgasm while locked, if I do have an orgasm while locked without the permission of an in-person Sir, I will donate 1d6 x $50 to charity (up to $300).  Someday when I cut open the device to get free, I will donate 1d6 x $150 to charity (up to $900).  I will roll the dice after the triggering event, so that I won't know the exact penalty until afterward.

If I cum from nipple play or ass play without touching my cock ... should that be allowed or penalized?  I've never cum from ass play, so that's a freebie, that's a goal.  If I cum from nipple play without permission that's still 1d6 x $25 to charity (up to $150) -- half price, LOL, because I have to be pretty darn horny to cum from nipple play and having an orgasm that way doesn't give me any relief from feeling horny afterward.

It's got to be additional money to charity, not part of the money I'm already giving each month.

If there's some health-related or other nonsexual reason I have to remove the cage, too bad, I still have to pay.  There's no free escape.  The only free orgasm is if I have an ass play orgasm, something I've never had.  If I can train myself to cum from getting fucked, then my transformation into an ass play chastity sub is complete, heh.

Tomorrow!  Meanwhile, tonight I'm locked and playing with toys at the condo :-)

yeah,

so instead of destroying the universe, I'm downing a shot of tequila, but slowly, in sipping parts (because GERD), while impaling my ass upon my largest and most granular butt toy, while rewatching Picard,

and inhaling poppers,

I took my cage off, illegally, but it's OK, I'm in no danger of having an orgasm,

and I drew tomorrow's card early, illegally, but it's a 2 of Clubs, which is useless, heh,

I need to keep impaling my ass upon my largest and most granular butt toy, while rewatching Picard, and sipping this shot of tequila, and inhaling poppers,

"you're alive!"

yeah, long ago I used to go out clubbing until 3am, and then I'd drive/walk/etc. home, and,

I haven't aged a day, instead the universe has aged around me, I'm still ...

about to break, about to age, about to submit, about to ...

break into song :-) you should hear the incomprehensible lyrics I sing while I'm taking this largest and most granular,

traveling without language

Do I draw a card from the Cum Deck now, or wait until midnight?  My next draw has a 9% chance of allowing an orgasm, but if I draw today and on every legal day I should expect to wait 43 days until my next orgasm -- Feb 7.

If I'm still awake at midnight I'll draw then.  For now I'll play with butt toys and watch porn while my cock is locked and has not cum for 35 days.  Seems like it's been longer!  November 21.

I was rarely horny over the past week because I was in pain and T was sick and I was just trying to stay comfortable as best I could while social distancing in my own damn house.  But today I haven't needed pain meds for my back (yay!) and T is doing better and now I'm at the condo where I can just relax and pleasure my body.

I'll wait until midnight, I'll tease myself until then.  The Cum Deck is in charge of my orgasms until After the Vaccine, at which point I can start putting other men in charge again.  I'm not doing the remote keyholder thing, I know that won't work for me.  When Sir Ben tried to be my remote keyholder earlier during Quarantine it just added to all my stressors, my feelings of impossibility.  I eventually explained this to him, and he's cool about it.  We're staying in touch regularly until After the Vaccine and then we'll renegotiate our relationship.  He even sent me thoughtful Christmas gifts, what a sweetie :-)

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Having been laid low by my back all week, I think I need to focus more on stress reduction and flexibility exercises like stretching and foam rolling.  I must admit to myself and out loud in my LJ that I'd fallen out of the habit of stretching recently.  It needs to be part of the exercise triad -- flexibility, strength, and endurance.  I should spend equal time on all three.  But it's a lot.  But it should be easier to do all three while working from home.  Should be.  My GERD interferes with both stretching and weight lifting, I have to wait until 2 hours after I've eaten to lie down.  I ought to stretch upon waking, that makes most sense, gotta get back into that habit, but when I wake I'm usually hungry!

Stress reduction and flexibility.  There's so much tension in my body, from all the things of 2020.  And I cannot even get a massage, I don't want to spend 45 minutes in a room breathing the same air as a stranger, even while masked.  The hot tub helps, at least it helped a lot yesterday.

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OK, I've finished warming up and cleaning out -- it's butt toy time until I fall asleep!

B's husband is spending some time moving into the new house up in the Northeast, so B has the DC apartment to himself, so he invited T to spend the night.  So Bug gets a Night to Self at the house, without having to drive, and park, and stuff.

I still need to look after the pets, but that's fine.  Night to Self at the house!  Yay!

It didn't get started until 5pm, which is a bit late for my typical Friday Night to Self, heh, but that's OK.

I hope T and B have a good time together.

I'm warming up my butt, listening to some new music, and watching 2 screens of porn (will upgrade to 4 screens later, heh).

Until recently, he was a porn star.  He's decided to switch to producing music, like they do.  He's got 15,000 followers on Twitter.  I'm one of them.  He follows 60 people.  I'm one of them.  When I message him, he messages me back.  Apparently I'm his type.  Older white hairy fit smart.

It's these little bits of online life that make it all worthwhile, that we sneak in these connections with people.  Like my favorite author I text with on the weekends.  The one who wrote and published a novella based on my idea.

And now my Portland boy, Matt from Reddit.

Of course, I love those of you who continue to read my LJ after 20 years.  20 years!

I'm grateful for these small injections of online love, and I am careful to guard them, from the algorithms.

OK, back to the butt toys -- this night is so young, yay :-) Taking a break from NaNoWriMo so I can cater to my butt until 2am.  There will be napping tomorrow afternoon!

I didn't think I'd get to spend a night here this weekend, but T and I got up early and spent the morning doing all the remaining tasks required to clear the basement for its upgrade, the workers arrive on Monday.

Along the way ... we discovered a small leak in our water heater, damn, like a leaky faucet kind of drip.  I called up the company that installed it, they want $1,750 to replace it.  I am having a bad series of money revelations these days, and I've not received any contributions from T yet.  At first they'd scheduled a visit for today, but after I sent them pictures and video they diagnosed the problem remotely and said they wouldn't have the parts until Monday.

But Monday the basement will already be very busy!  We're just gonna have to put up with the drip until after the basement is fixed.  Hopefully it doesn't get worse within the next week.

I had to move a lot of stuff around in the basement, and then I had to move a lot of stuff around in the backyard, including something like half a cord of firewood, lugging it across the yard to a different spot where it would be out of the way of the new drainage system.  Damn, I've been doing all this tough physical labor, I feel like a construction worker.  I've had to skip my weight workouts so I could preserve energy and muscle repair for all this stuff.

Luckily, I won't have to move the backyard stuff back where it was, not like the basement stuff.  The next couple weekends will be moving basement stuff back where it was.

But we got it all done, so I'm at the condo!  Warming up for a Toy Night to Self!  Three screens of porn at the moment, will probably move up to five later :o)

34 days since my last orgasm, and I can't even draw another card from the Cum Deck until Monday, because my last card was a "10", which meant no orgasm that day and waiting 10 days before I could ask again.  I'm super super horny.  There's a chance I'll have an accidental caged orgasm just from playing with toys.  If that starts to happen, I will be sorely tempted to stand aside and let it roll.  But that would be breaking the rules I've set for myself.  Really, I'm so fucking horny, I think I might spontaneously cum at any moment.  That's about as horny as I've ever been.  And I have no idea when I'll get to cum.  Nobody does.

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I've adjusted OK to having half of my Quarantine Bubble move away to Portland, sigh.  Lately my main stressor has been money, and it just won't stop, and T still hasn't coughed up anything for me since early September.  [He needs to catch up, but it is also normal for him to fall a couple months behind a couple times per year, that's just how he is with money, and it isn't personal, he's that way with all his creditors, it's his attitude toward credit.]  But I've also been socializing remotely more, with Ben, Steve, Ellen, and K.  Amy is coming to visit next weekend.  And eventually B's husband will move away, freeing him up for more in-person stuff.  Just like old times, eh, B & me sitting in the hot tub together, getting fucked up naked and wet under the stars, while T falls asleep.

I need a haircut.  I'll get serious about it after next weekend, after Amy's visit, we're just too busy right now.  T knows somebody who makes house calls, or I might go see Zak, who had been my regular stylist before the Pandemic.  I'm concerned about doing that while COVID-19 cases are on the rise in the area, although they still aren't nearly as bad as in the Upper Midwest right now.

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I'm enjoying my NaNoWriMo story, and that's all that matters, none of you have to like it ;-)  When I finish I'll bundle it up and send it to Sir Ben, because he's been encouraging me to write more of my Sci-Fi soft porn, with the gay cyborgs and their futuristic problems.

And I'm getting to write about the stochastic spacetime bomb that I envisioned during my Wild Week!  And how the development of these bombs will embroil many of us in the Time Wars, with bidirectional causation and probabilistic futures and pasts.  And I'm reusing some of my past characters from past stories, although I'm having to bend my canon a bit, which I can always explain is the result of the Time Wars, LOL.  The past has changed, that's all.  The past always changes now.  If you remember a different past from your friends, then you go see a therapist and take a pill, LOL.  A bit like Lathe of Heaven, of course.  As I described my story to T, he said, "That's a common trope in sci-fi stories," LOL.  Except for the gay sex part!  Like Star Trek never has any plot holes or ridiculous tech!

I write for me, if even one other person likes it, that's gravy.  For me, it's a big RPG that I'm running inside my head, and I write down some of the results for all to see.

I don't know how it ends.  I like writing that way, it allows me to role-play better.  It also allows me to have more realistic unreliable narrators, I think, narrators who get it wrong along the way, they aren't omniscient, they make mistakes, they deceive themselves.  They really don't know how it is going to end, neither do I, it's double-blind.

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Driving downtown, I encountered lots of people celebrating in the streets, and cars honking, people are so relieved that Trump will be gone.  It's different from Obama in 2008 -- back then people were more prideful, more pleased, having elected our first Black President.  The feeling was of a job well done, having a full stomach, feeling good.  This time it's so much more about getting rid of Trump, and feeling like the long nightmare is over, and rejoicing, people feel free again.  I've never seen people out on the streets so happy about an election result.

GWB was overall less popular at the end of his 8 years than Trump is now, but people didn't hate and fear him the same way they do Trump.

One thing I wish Trump supporters would try to understand -- it isn't enough for you to love your politician.  You, and your politician, also have to at least try to appeal to a majority of the country.  Trump flatly did not even try to do this.  Trump supporters, you live in a democracy.  Living in a democracy isn't about getting everything that you want, it's about most of the people getting most of what they want, and compromising along the way, and sometimes winning, and sometimes losing.

Trump tried to play the game like he'd never lose, like he never had to compromise, like he never had to try to appeal to the other side or even the people in the middle.  So, he lost his re-election campaign, by a significant margin.  If Trump supporters continue supporting leaders like Trump, they might win a random victory once in a while, but they will not be able to hold onto power and achieve lasting results.  We'll just swing back and forth, never fixing or solving anything.