VirtualExile

He's been resting on the sofa, I've been relaxing on the other sofa, I just let him have a bit of water, we'll see whether he holds that down.  If he does, I'll give him a can of soft food at 6pm, and then another can of soft food at 7pm.  He seems normal now.

I'll be alone at the house (with pets) for Valentine's Day and I'm totally fine with that :-)  I don't make a big deal out of holidays and such.  T left me a small gift and texted me where to find it.  I'd given him a simple bunch of flowers a couple days ago because I knew we wouldn't see each other on the actual day.  Poly people gotta be flexible about holidays.

Watching third episode of Euphoria and ... wow ... such a good show ... an unrelenting look at the suck of suck of high school in the US in the early Third Millennium.

Haha, some guy just sent me message that I'm a "Sexy lil fucker" :o)  Yes, my sexy lil fucker self is in Toys Only mode right now, but I appreciate the compliments :-)

MG from Twitter is back!  He undeleted his account.  He's been vaccinated already because he works in health care, now that's a sexy lil fucker ;-)  I'm not going to say I wish I worked in health care because some of the people who I know who do work in health care say they'll have PTSD for the rest of their lives after this pandemic.

I was sitting with Dax on my lap, he was acting normal and happy again, and I felt the pleasant simplicity of having a happy pet on my lap.  I do love these critters.  But they're all in their second decades now ... they spend a lot of time sleeping.  Why don't I get to spend a lot of time sleeping??  When I meditated earlier I figured if I fell asleep while meditating I'd take a nap, but I didn't need a nap this time.

I'm getting a much later start than usual.  First, T didn't leave until after 2pm -- second, I took a nap until 4:30pm -- third, I had to cut my hair --

But I'm glad I took a nap and cut my hair, the nap was wonderful :-)  Another example of how my sleep pattern is all over the place now.

So I wasn't settled and ready to warm up my butt until after 6pm.  But it's a Saturday night and I don't have to go anywhere or do anything tomorrow, except perhaps shovel snow in the afternoon.  Perhaps the nap plus some decaf will have me able to stay up past midnight :-)

Strange how I can think that "only" four hours of buttplay time might not be enough, heh.  I will allow myself to purchase one new toy for the house after this play session, if I feel I'm missing any of the toys at the condo.

Oh, I left the frozen keys at the condo!  So I'm locked without access to the keys, unless I drive downtown.  But I'm probably driving downtown again on Monday, for Maids Day.

When I got back to the house, no T and no Dax -- it was very quiet.  They were on a hike.  In the group chat T sounded grumpy at me and/or B, so I started feeling anxious.  But he got over his texting grump by the time he returned, and we had a pleasant lunch together -- I had another vegetarian meal, trying to do more veggie stuff for delivery meals.

House to Self! :-)

T has left for B's until tomorrow.  This morning I did my weight lifting routine, and just finished lunch.  After my tummy settles I'll shower and then go pick up beverages from the convenience store.  I'll give Dax a walk, and then it will be play time.

The keys are not totally frozen yet.  I don't know why I should bother checking, of course they will freeze and then they'll stay frozen until I decide to thaw them out.  But I want to see them frozen.  I'm half-expecting the freezer to break now!  I think I forgot to account for the insulation factor of the tupperware when I figured it would take an hour to freeze.

This weekend I'll decide on some new toys, either the FMJ cage or butt toys for the house.

I have some work I must do before Monday morning, but I'm going to put that off until tomorrow.  I want to do some more keyboard lessons tomorrow also.

OK, I'm going to read quietly while my tummy settles.

So quiet out here in this Jewish suburb on the Sabbath, the only sound I can hear is the HVAC firing up to defend the house from the below-freezing temperature outside.

Suddenly I feel one more night to self won't be enough.

Can I retire yet?

T left for a weekend with B at B's apartment, and I've got the house to myself!

I'm warming up for toys, although it has only been 5 days since my last orgasm, and I haven't put the cage back on yet.  I haven't decided what to do next regarding chastity, after falling out of my Cum Deck game.  I did give a $$$ donation as penance for my illegal orgasm, so I'm good there.

Probably after a while I'll lock back up and then reshuffle the Cum Deck and start over until After the Vaccine.  I liked playing that game for those three months, but sometimes -- it happens to chastity subs from time to time -- we fall out of the game when the stress gets too high.  For me, the stress of being so horny and it probably being another 40 days and then on Sunday a day of unexpected [redacted but highly stressful stuff].

Tomorrow I want to try out the new keyboard and microphone that I bought for the house, and I'll keep working through my "how to" manuals for the DAWs.  I've got some stuff to write about on the music front, how it's been percolating, but that will be a post all of its own, maybe later, more likely tomorrow.

I stretched and foam rolled a bunch this week, I ran twice, hiked, did yoga, weight lifting.  Sometimes I'm tempted to get out the scale and set a weight goal again, but it's pretty pointless during Quarantine to bother with trying to optimize my look in that way.  Exercise, try to eat right, and -- well -- there's the alcohol so I'll never be 4% body fat heh.

But I continue to fit into my pre-Quarantine clothes, which wasn't true a few months ago when I first had to put on pants after six months of never wearing pants.  I can fit into my pants just fine again now :-)

My two younger chat buddies have been quiet, Mark from Reddit hasn't even read my texts in over a week.  Perhaps Mark is done, maybe we exhausted his chat library.  I think MG from Twitter is probably just busy as hell, he works in health care and has been picking up extra shifts during the COVID crisis.  Maybe this weekend I'll try to add another chat buddy or two.

Nothing to do today!  I would exercise in some way, except my lower back is hurting and I don't know why.  It's been hurting off and on for a few days, the off and on part makes no sense, and I cannot trace it to any activity in particular.  And with it still cold and icy outside ... how about I just rest today.

I fell back asleep while listening to an audiobook this morning, when I woke I found that Dax had eaten something he shouldn't.  I looked up the ingredients online, they didn't seem harmful for a dog, I thought about making him vomit, but the Internet says only do that under the advice of a vet, so I decided watchful waiting ... he seemed fine ... he pooped a bunch in the backyard ... and then he vomited it all up on the living room floor anyway.  I wish he wouldn't eat stuff he's not supposed to, it's the main issue with him now, he wants to eat EVERYTHING.

Feeling better about work than I did last weekend.  Now I'm just back to quarantine normal, missing people in general, but also glad to get a break from T.  Glad to have the house to myself, even though I still have to manage the pets.

I'll take a hot tub break this afternoon, that might help my back, I'm waiting for the air temperature to be above freezing so I'm not breathing in freezing air with my asthma.

I was wondering what happened to Mark from Reddit, he's been quiet, but maybe just busy for the holidays, but then he wrote me back apologetically, saying that he'd thought he'd replied to me and then saw he hadn't.

I also got some great feedback from a stranger to whom I gave advice -- made me feel good, like I'm able to help people.  T had expressed surprise that I could give people relationship advice, LOL, I think it can be difficult to shake off what we know about each other after living together for 16 years.  How I never replace light bulbs but he never cleans the cat litter.  Yeah, but I can still give people advice, I've got some wisdom after all these years.

One more degree and I'll hit the hot tub!  After I make sure there's nothing else within Dax's reach that he shouldn't eat.

T left very early this morning, earlier than I expected.  I still needed to work a half day, so that's what I did.  Stopped working at 2pm, started warming up for toys 2:45pm.  Nothing on the Bug Calendar until Sunday afternoon!  Yay!

For some reason T left his new laptop behind, which has an account for me from when my laptop was "sleeping", so I'm using that to type this while my other laptops are busy showing porn :o)

I created an account at a poetry site, and posted two of my favorite poems there, along with the one I wrote this morning.  I already have two followers!  I've had multiple people who are close to me in real life ask me to write more poetry, but I feel like it's not something I can produce on demand, but maybe that's just a confidence thing, maybe if I worked at it instead of occasionally pissing it out on the page after a long period of pent up poetry piss ...

I once described poetry as prose with most of the words deleted, but there's more to it than that, and so many different ways of doing poetry.  But working on poetry more may lead me into writing lyrics and then putting together music with vocals ... so, more angles on this very slow project that is nevertheless moving forward -- my concept album.  I know the title of the album, the names of the songs, it's top-down in this way, but also bottom-up in that I'm going to grow my songs into the concepts instead of growing the concepts into the songs.  Can I apply the role-play method I use to write stories to writing music?  How would that work?

27 days since orgasm, feels like longer?  Tomorrow I may draw another card, and I probably will.  If I'm still awake at midnight I may draw it then.  I can't expect anything to come of this draw, my expected date of next orgasm is in February now?  I haven't been horny much lately because of my overall life confidence issues since my annual review last Friday, but my mood has been improving.  I've done some good work this week, although my Boss can't see it, so much of what I do is stuff he'll never know about.  I did some top-level negotiating with representatives of a major multinational corporate acquisition valued at tens of billions of US dollars this morning.  Not to "brag" but to build up my self-confidence, that I have wonderful attorneys working for me, who can brief me up in 30 minutes, and then I can go toe-to-toe with major multinational corporations.

Sometimes T says I should go work for those multinational corporations and increase my salary by several times.  But instead I daydream about becoming a union organizer on my way to becoming a neo-gatherer heh.

I wouldn't have any money problems if I weren't in a nesting relationship with T -- I didn't have money problems before I bought this house with him.  I don't need more money, I need the streams of money that I do have to be predictable, which has always been the issue with T -- eventually I get the cash, but the timing can drive me nuts, because our personalities are different along the money dimension.  And I need to stop living in this money pit of a house, which, yeah, by retirement time the plan is to have a much less expensive dwelling.

Part of me wants to move back to Racine, the city I was born in, after retirement.  It's one of the most affordable places to live in the US.  Because there's no reason for college graduates to live there, heh.  I think about living there for a year to write a book and create an album and volunteer with some sort of political cause.  Heh, we'll see.  For now, I'm just trying to not go crazy while waiting for this Quarantine to end.

T is on his way back, house is cleaned up good enough, I'll relax with a cocktail and then greet him when he gets here.  So glad I took yesterday and today off!

I expected to cook more while he was away, now there's a backlog of meal kits in the fridge, but T will help me cook and eat them over the next week :-)

And I still have a weekend ahead of me!  :-)

I had to work for a couple hours this morning, Hiring Committee stuff, but now I've got the rest of the day off!  Tomorrow I'll have to work a couple hours again, but it will be Clean the House Day Because T is Coming Home anyway.

The rain has not been heavy enough to overwhelm our temporary defenses.  Not yet, anyway.  But now we have a flood warning for the afternoon, although the heavier rain from Hurricane [nameless] is moving a bit south of here.  I think the house will be fine.

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I've become more willing to say unpopular things on Reddit, heh.  The up/down voting system creates a groupthink, the Correct people vs. the Trolls.  I'm not a troll, but sometimes reality disagrees with groupthink.

I've got Karma to spare -- I've received thousands of upvotes, so I can spare a few downvotes.

Mainly, I'm supportive of people's unpopular feelings.  A guy gets jealous on the Polyamory Reddit, I'm supportive of his jealous feelings.  Everybody has feelings, we cannot control our feelings, all of your feelings are valid.  Jealousy is OK!

What you choose to do with your feelings, that's a different matter.  Actions are not feelings.  If a guy is upset with his wife for reasons that people don't like, well, he's still upset, he still needs support.

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Liberals in the US tend not to realize how their groupthink turns people off.  My favorite example is abortion -- acting like abortion is a civil rights issue turns people off -- it's a difficult decision, it involves a potential human life, we need to balance this potential human life against other concerns.  It's not just a Woman's Right to Choose.  There's also the father, and the potential child, it's tough.

But liberals turn people off in lots of other ways, and they have no idea they're doing it!  It's the righteousness.  Liberals are so sure they're Correct, anybody who disagrees must be a Troll.  Any other perspective must be Fake News.

Authoritarianism is not just a right-wing thing, folks.  Lefties do it too.

Dark mode is hitting hard now -- I'm no longer lit awake by the sun, so I'm sleeping past 7am.  But I've also been staying up later than usual, because T isn't here.

I'm firming up my plan to take Thursday and Friday off.  I'll make the request today.

The sense of being home alone has definitely sunk in now.  It's been a long time since T went away for a week, and the last time he did I had other people over to the house.  I'd typically have K over for a night or two when T traveled, so we could enjoy the hot tub together.  Sometimes I had other friends over, such as B or Steve.  Sometimes I had a fuckbuddy visit, such as David or Missa.  So my week off from T would be a mixture of time to self and time with other people.

Although I'm socializing a bit virtually, phone calls and online games, I'm not having anybody over, because of Quarantine.  So I've had enough time to self to feel a bit lonely this morning.  At least I have the pets to keep me company :-)

Last night I had a dream that I was traveling with a cat, staying in a hotel room, and then all sorts of wacky pre-Quarantine things started happening -- my hotel room was somehow part of a suite in which two different meetings were being held -- in one of the rooms a fitness instructor was gathering her clients for an exercise routine, in another of the rooms people were showing up for some sort of political action, and then the hotel manager and front desk clerk dropped by to tell me how wonderful my room is -- the quality of the floor covering -- WTF all these people in my hotel room.  And I'd forgotten to get the kitty litter tub out of the car, so my little cat was upset and started biting me.  Strange dream.

After I got into bed, but before I fell asleep, two of my favorite porn stars began a free, live show.  They're so hot, and it was 22 days since I had an orgasm, I starting thinking I was about to have a nipple orgasm while watching them, but at the last second I decided to continue following the Cum Deck rule ... I think I'd never felt so precisely close to the edge of an orgasm without going over.

It took a while this time, because of some emotional interference, but I'm back to the perpetually super horny state that a chastity sub should have.  I'll try to stick with the discipline of the Cum Deck.  If I'm taking Thursday and Friday off, I won't want to draw another card until Friday, I'll want to remain super horny all day Thursday.

I thought I'd cook meals for myself while T was away, so we didn't pause the meal kit service, but I haven't cooked anything yet.  I think I will finally cook tonight.