![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
There's still a half hour left until midnight in London, but I'm done with the bridge tournament. I'm in the middle, will not merit any sort of prize or mention, but that's fine for my first tournament of this sort :-)
I'm quietly playing in an international Valentine's Day bridge tournament. I made it through the qualifying round, and now I've played 8 of the 80 bridge hands so far. It's online, of course, and also solitaire -- you play with an AI partner against two AI opponents and your results are compared to all the other contestants. This means I can play the hands at my own pace, taking breaks whenever I want, so long as I'm finished by the deadline, which is midnight tomorrow (London time).
I play duplicate bridge online via FunBridge more than I play any other game, with humans or without. I never get tired of it -- there are 53,644,737,765,488,792,839,237,440,000 possible bridge deals, LOL.
I play duplicate bridge online via FunBridge more than I play any other game, with humans or without. I never get tired of it -- there are 53,644,737,765,488,792,839,237,440,000 possible bridge deals, LOL.
Woke before the rest of the house, as usual, so went back to my Cum Deck modeling spreadsheet and found it was a bit too pessimistic about the random interactions between the Kings, Jacks, and Aces, which increased my expected number of orgasms a bit. On average I'll get my next orgasm 55 days from now, if I draw a card on each day I'm allowed. That's still next year, LOL.
With a full starting deck of 54 cards, including the two jokers, a player would expect to have 5 orgasms across 233 days, or one every 44 days.
If the non-face cards were merely blanks, instead of directions telling you how many days to wait until your next card, the deck would typically last for 53 days and you'd get an orgasm every 10 days.
So I think I'm going to reorganize the rules -- the basic game will treat the non-face cards as blanks, the advanced game will treat them as directions, otherwise the two games will have the same rules. For a beginner, having to wait an average of 10 days for an orgasm is long enough. For an advanced player, having to wait 44 days is more challenging.
I've read that serious game designers need to create mathematical models for their games, along with playtesting the games, so the range of outcomes of the game can be understood well enough to tweak the rules and the scenarios. For example with a game like Gloomhaven, the scenario designers need to know how dangerous each monster is, and how many "danger points" of monsters per player are required to make the scenario challenging.
Some card games are well known for their mathematical underpinnings, such as Poker, Blackjack, and Contract Bridge. Expert players learn how to model their hands and the remaining cards in the deck, so they know how much to bet or bid, and which moves to make next. I wonder whether kids would enjoy math more if it were taught in the context of playing games and learning strategies to win games.
With my Cum Deck, there is no strategy to it (yet). It's just a sequence of card draws, the only choice you have is whether to draw a card that day. I wonder whether I could make it more interactive -- having to play a game against the Cum Deck each day to win an orgasm.
With a full starting deck of 54 cards, including the two jokers, a player would expect to have 5 orgasms across 233 days, or one every 44 days.
If the non-face cards were merely blanks, instead of directions telling you how many days to wait until your next card, the deck would typically last for 53 days and you'd get an orgasm every 10 days.
So I think I'm going to reorganize the rules -- the basic game will treat the non-face cards as blanks, the advanced game will treat them as directions, otherwise the two games will have the same rules. For a beginner, having to wait an average of 10 days for an orgasm is long enough. For an advanced player, having to wait 44 days is more challenging.
I've read that serious game designers need to create mathematical models for their games, along with playtesting the games, so the range of outcomes of the game can be understood well enough to tweak the rules and the scenarios. For example with a game like Gloomhaven, the scenario designers need to know how dangerous each monster is, and how many "danger points" of monsters per player are required to make the scenario challenging.
Some card games are well known for their mathematical underpinnings, such as Poker, Blackjack, and Contract Bridge. Expert players learn how to model their hands and the remaining cards in the deck, so they know how much to bet or bid, and which moves to make next. I wonder whether kids would enjoy math more if it were taught in the context of playing games and learning strategies to win games.
With my Cum Deck, there is no strategy to it (yet). It's just a sequence of card draws, the only choice you have is whether to draw a card that day. I wonder whether I could make it more interactive -- having to play a game against the Cum Deck each day to win an orgasm.
these election maps
3 November 2020 21:14These election maps that size each state by its electoral votes, using a cube to represent each electoral vote, have me thinking of Agricola (the board game).
Unfortunately, it looks like Florida is going for Trump, which means we're not going to learn who won tonight. Probably not the Biden blowout that my regression equation expected. But Trump needs a lot more than just Florida to win. Four years ago, Trump winning Florida was an Oh Shit moment. This time, it's OK ... we need more data ... we need to count the votes in the rest of the country.
The betting markets are much closer to 50/50 now than they were this morning. Were there "shy Trump voters" after all, or is it just Florida and people extrapolating? Who the fuck knows. Go to bed. Unless you are actively counting votes as an election official, go to bed.
Unfortunately, it looks like Florida is going for Trump, which means we're not going to learn who won tonight. Probably not the Biden blowout that my regression equation expected. But Trump needs a lot more than just Florida to win. Four years ago, Trump winning Florida was an Oh Shit moment. This time, it's OK ... we need more data ... we need to count the votes in the rest of the country.
The betting markets are much closer to 50/50 now than they were this morning. Were there "shy Trump voters" after all, or is it just Florida and people extrapolating? Who the fuck knows. Go to bed. Unless you are actively counting votes as an election official, go to bed.
I've been watching a lot of training videos, some were overdue, the rest are due by November 30. As I've had a quiet period at the "office", and with T out of town, it's been a good time to knock out the videos.
One of them was about Motivation -- how to motivate yourself, how to motivate others. One tool it talked about was "gamification" -- turning performance into a game.
That's what I did to self-regulate my chastity back in 2016 when Sir Zero traveled out of the country for a month -- I gamified it. Well, now that Sir Zero has permanently moved away (though I expect to see him periodically After the Vaccine), I'm gamifying again. Except today I rewrote the rules, creating an Advanced Version. Both versions, and some optional rules for the basic game, are publicly available here.
I was already playing the basic game with some optional rules, one of which led me to destroy one of the Jokers when it was the first card I picked. I picked a second card yesterday. I'm now going to retcon and declare I had actually started playing the Advanced Game ... with an unfortunate random destruction of the Joker after I drew it ... so ... new rules!
It's like when I gamified meditation and then changed the rules before finishing the game. BTW, I haven't been meditating ... changing the rules made it less fun, and then I got busy with work, and then I got out of the habit again. Sigh.
Anyway -- I'm gaming virtually with Steve tonight at 7pm, and I want to cook dinner for myself first, so it's time to get busy doing that.
One of them was about Motivation -- how to motivate yourself, how to motivate others. One tool it talked about was "gamification" -- turning performance into a game.
That's what I did to self-regulate my chastity back in 2016 when Sir Zero traveled out of the country for a month -- I gamified it. Well, now that Sir Zero has permanently moved away (though I expect to see him periodically After the Vaccine), I'm gamifying again. Except today I rewrote the rules, creating an Advanced Version. Both versions, and some optional rules for the basic game, are publicly available here.
I was already playing the basic game with some optional rules, one of which led me to destroy one of the Jokers when it was the first card I picked. I picked a second card yesterday. I'm now going to retcon and declare I had actually started playing the Advanced Game ... with an unfortunate random destruction of the Joker after I drew it ... so ... new rules!
It's like when I gamified meditation and then changed the rules before finishing the game. BTW, I haven't been meditating ... changing the rules made it less fun, and then I got busy with work, and then I got out of the habit again. Sigh.
Anyway -- I'm gaming virtually with Steve tonight at 7pm, and I want to cook dinner for myself first, so it's time to get busy doing that.
I finally spoke with my sister on the phone. It turns out her $5,000 estimated repair cost was really only $1,000 -- I told her I'll send her a check for that amount -- that's an easier lift for me. It was nice catching up with her. Her daughter is getting married soon -- they're holding the total wedding attendance below 10 people. It's OK that I'm not one of those 10 people, I wouldn't want to celebrate with multiple households anyway -- sounds like 4+ households as it is.
I also joined Steve and a couple of his friends this afternoon for an online board game session over FaceTime. We played Terraforming Mars, an old favorite. I won! That was pleasant. I was a little anxious beforehand, hadn't used FaceTime before.
So, two social events this afternoon. Also two Dax walks today. Some light meals. The paper towels arrived! LOL
After spending last night with porn, toys, loud music, and intoxicons, I'm having a quiet evening. I'll probably run in the morning before the rain arrives, then lift weights and do some chores ... and then play with toys again :-)
So far I'm not taking any time off this upcoming week, but if I feel caught up with work stuff I might take at least one day off. The music keyboard arrived, so I can take a day to play with that, maybe. I'll try to spend some time each day moving stuff from the basement storage room to the crawl space.
If I only had two nights to self, I'd be stuffing both nights with toy time, and then cleaning up after myself -- but having all week I can pace myself and continue with my regular exercise and daily chore habits. Maybe another phone call with K tomorrow, we'll see.
Oh! I started tackling the rats nest underneath the living room stereo. Seems to be my favorite kind of project when I have a place to myself for a few days.
I also joined Steve and a couple of his friends this afternoon for an online board game session over FaceTime. We played Terraforming Mars, an old favorite. I won! That was pleasant. I was a little anxious beforehand, hadn't used FaceTime before.
So, two social events this afternoon. Also two Dax walks today. Some light meals. The paper towels arrived! LOL
After spending last night with porn, toys, loud music, and intoxicons, I'm having a quiet evening. I'll probably run in the morning before the rain arrives, then lift weights and do some chores ... and then play with toys again :-)
So far I'm not taking any time off this upcoming week, but if I feel caught up with work stuff I might take at least one day off. The music keyboard arrived, so I can take a day to play with that, maybe. I'll try to spend some time each day moving stuff from the basement storage room to the crawl space.
If I only had two nights to self, I'd be stuffing both nights with toy time, and then cleaning up after myself -- but having all week I can pace myself and continue with my regular exercise and daily chore habits. Maybe another phone call with K tomorrow, we'll see.
Oh! I started tackling the rats nest underneath the living room stereo. Seems to be my favorite kind of project when I have a place to myself for a few days.
I went ahead and tackled the rats nest of electronics and cables inside the TV cabinet. Wow, so many cables, so much dust, from however many years since the last time somebody cleaned it up. I put away every last unnecessary cable, verified that the Blu-Ray player still works and then unplugged it, and then updated the ancient Xbox 360. I'm gonna play some Civilization Revolution on it for a bit, then I'll go get supplies for the rest of my day.
Tomorrow's morning project will probably be cleaning and dusting the various surfaces -- bathroom floor, sink, & toilet; counters & furniture, main room floor. Not sure yet whether I'll get to the music business much this weekend, I'm trying to focus on settling into the condo first, and enjoying my Time to Self. I found all the piano instruction booklets I bought last time around. I will need a keyboard at both house and condo if I'm really going to do this.
I'll meditate after I return from my supply trip.
It's a good day, and K has been in touch -- he arrived in Portland, but I don't think they have their stuff yet.
Tomorrow's morning project will probably be cleaning and dusting the various surfaces -- bathroom floor, sink, & toilet; counters & furniture, main room floor. Not sure yet whether I'll get to the music business much this weekend, I'm trying to focus on settling into the condo first, and enjoying my Time to Self. I found all the piano instruction booklets I bought last time around. I will need a keyboard at both house and condo if I'm really going to do this.
I'll meditate after I return from my supply trip.
It's a good day, and K has been in touch -- he arrived in Portland, but I don't think they have their stuff yet.
playing with toys by myself is like a Bethesda game, spending time with other people is like a BioWare game
As of yesterday, I've meditated every day for three weeks in a row! This might be a personal best for me, but I can't be certain, because I haven't recorded every day I've ever meditated, but I think it is probably a personal best.
I intend to continue, but I'm going to lighten up on the carrot & stick approach until I lose this first round: I don't necessarily have to wait until after my daily meditation to write in my journal. But when I do skip a day of meditation, then I will take away this good behavior bonus until I hit three weeks in a row again.
So, I haven't meditated yet today, but I expect I will sometime this afternoon. 26 minutes today.
T was doing chores this morning. I was relaxing after a 4-mile run in the now-perfect running weather. I will probably work for a couple hours this afternoon to get caught up and earn some credit hours, and I'll do all the remaining chores. I want to wake tomorrow feeling totally caught up with everything.
Yesterday evening was fun socializing with friends, although as an introvert I became physically tired before T did. He needed the socializing more than I did, as I've been able to see K way more often than T has been able to see B. I did not demand we leave early. The temporary merging of our two households created a 5-person dinner party, the food was great, the company was enjoyable. I would visit their house again, or have them over here. If we have them over here I'd prefer an earlier start to the socializing so we'd have time for a board game before dinner.
-----
As I was focused on playtime with K on Friday evening, I didn't learn of RBG's passing until Saturday morning. There's grief and grumpiness about it on the Left, but I fully expect the Republican Senate to approve the President's nomination for a replacement Justice. This opportunity is too attractive for Republicans to pass. I think if Trump were well-advised he'd nominate the Cuban-American woman from Florida.
-----
It is still early in this meditation game, I'm going to play through three rounds and I'm only in the first round. I'm incrementing the time by one minute per day until I fail. Then I'll drop by half for round two, incrementing by two minutes per day until I fail. Then I'll drop by half again for round three, incrementing by three minutes per day until I fail. At that point I should have enough data to decide how much daily meditation is sustainable, and I'll settle on a firm number of daily minutes.
No idea where this is going to end up. Maybe take the median fail of the three, reduce by 10%, then round down to the tens place. Right now I think 20 minutes/day would be sustainable, based on the past three weeks, but I'm not nearly finished playing the game yet. I could end up with 40 minutes/day?
I imagine that after I resume commuting sometime next year I might have to work out a new, lower sustainable level. And after I retire it will be an entirely new lifestyle, so another, higher sustainable level.
-----
Last night I met a new person, the third housemate living with Kent & Brandon. He was handsome, friendly, intelligent, cultured, and a long-time friend of Brandon's. He's a bodybuilder sort, with massive shoulders, arms, and chest -- and he was hanging out in a taut tank top. He signalled that he's kinky via the brand on his ball cap, and talked favorably of polyamory. I couldn't catch him flirting with me at all, but ... I could've been interested in him, heh. It's been so long since I had a conversation with a handsome stranger. My hormones aren't dead, they've just been Quarantined for six months.
Kinky gamers are my sweet spot.
I intend to continue, but I'm going to lighten up on the carrot & stick approach until I lose this first round: I don't necessarily have to wait until after my daily meditation to write in my journal. But when I do skip a day of meditation, then I will take away this good behavior bonus until I hit three weeks in a row again.
So, I haven't meditated yet today, but I expect I will sometime this afternoon. 26 minutes today.
T was doing chores this morning. I was relaxing after a 4-mile run in the now-perfect running weather. I will probably work for a couple hours this afternoon to get caught up and earn some credit hours, and I'll do all the remaining chores. I want to wake tomorrow feeling totally caught up with everything.
Yesterday evening was fun socializing with friends, although as an introvert I became physically tired before T did. He needed the socializing more than I did, as I've been able to see K way more often than T has been able to see B. I did not demand we leave early. The temporary merging of our two households created a 5-person dinner party, the food was great, the company was enjoyable. I would visit their house again, or have them over here. If we have them over here I'd prefer an earlier start to the socializing so we'd have time for a board game before dinner.
-----
As I was focused on playtime with K on Friday evening, I didn't learn of RBG's passing until Saturday morning. There's grief and grumpiness about it on the Left, but I fully expect the Republican Senate to approve the President's nomination for a replacement Justice. This opportunity is too attractive for Republicans to pass. I think if Trump were well-advised he'd nominate the Cuban-American woman from Florida.
-----
It is still early in this meditation game, I'm going to play through three rounds and I'm only in the first round. I'm incrementing the time by one minute per day until I fail. Then I'll drop by half for round two, incrementing by two minutes per day until I fail. Then I'll drop by half again for round three, incrementing by three minutes per day until I fail. At that point I should have enough data to decide how much daily meditation is sustainable, and I'll settle on a firm number of daily minutes.
No idea where this is going to end up. Maybe take the median fail of the three, reduce by 10%, then round down to the tens place. Right now I think 20 minutes/day would be sustainable, based on the past three weeks, but I'm not nearly finished playing the game yet. I could end up with 40 minutes/day?
I imagine that after I resume commuting sometime next year I might have to work out a new, lower sustainable level. And after I retire it will be an entirely new lifestyle, so another, higher sustainable level.
-----
Last night I met a new person, the third housemate living with Kent & Brandon. He was handsome, friendly, intelligent, cultured, and a long-time friend of Brandon's. He's a bodybuilder sort, with massive shoulders, arms, and chest -- and he was hanging out in a taut tank top. He signalled that he's kinky via the brand on his ball cap, and talked favorably of polyamory. I couldn't catch him flirting with me at all, but ... I could've been interested in him, heh. It's been so long since I had a conversation with a handsome stranger. My hormones aren't dead, they've just been Quarantined for six months.
Kinky gamers are my sweet spot.
(1) To get myself to meditate every day -- every fucking day.
(2) To determine the optimal amount of meditation time in order to do this every day, while doing the most I can do every day.
I expect that somewhere along the way I'll find the sweet spot. I'm thinking to hone in on that sweet spot, after I do fail the first round, during the second round I can move up by two minutes per day. During the third round by three minutes per day. After two or three months of playing this meditation game I should have a good idea of what's sustainable. Now that I'm in the 20+ minute category, it's starting to feel like a real daily time commitment. I don't want to make a prediction of how far I'll get. I really just want to feel it out, day by day. What's a sustainable daily time commitment? I mean, it cannot be three hours, LOL, that wouldn't fit every day. Somewhere between 20 minutes and 200 minutes.
(2) To determine the optimal amount of meditation time in order to do this every day, while doing the most I can do every day.
I expect that somewhere along the way I'll find the sweet spot. I'm thinking to hone in on that sweet spot, after I do fail the first round, during the second round I can move up by two minutes per day. During the third round by three minutes per day. After two or three months of playing this meditation game I should have a good idea of what's sustainable. Now that I'm in the 20+ minute category, it's starting to feel like a real daily time commitment. I don't want to make a prediction of how far I'll get. I really just want to feel it out, day by day. What's a sustainable daily time commitment? I mean, it cannot be three hours, LOL, that wouldn't fit every day. Somewhere between 20 minutes and 200 minutes.
I didn't realize the game was incomplete, so I'm stuck at the end of chapter 2 for now. I thought I was going to wrap the entire thing up today.
"Tell Me Why"
6 September 2020 18:53Started playing the video game Tell Me Why this afternoon. I'd classify it more as interactive fiction than a game. But you "play" as a young transgender man who reunites with his sister to head back to their childhood home ...
Seems appropriate for me to role play as a transgender man after picking on the concept of gender in my journal. Struggling with being brought up as a girl, my character wanted to do boy things instead. Reminds me of when I was a boy, sometimes I wanted to do girl things instead. I played jump rope with the girls in 4th grade instead of kickball with the guys. My mother taught me needlepoint. In 6th or 7th grade some male friends and I performed a play for the entire school in which we portrayed women characters, wore dresses and wigs.
Then I started falling in love with other guys.
Anyway, the story is not about me. The story is pretty good so far, setting off some of my emotions as I'm here at the house, processing the actual fact of K moving to Portland. I told T about the news, and he was supportive, saying now I'd have a reason to visit Portland. And K will continue to own the condo here and to work for his employer who is headquartered here. Not like I'll never see K again, but it will be less often than every week or two. The time between will be measured in months, not weeks, but also not years. We will likely take trips together as we did before Quarantine.
It did cheer me when Robin said he was still interested in meeting up with me for toy time at the condo. I haven't arranged any such things (with anybody except K) since Quarantine began in March. The monthly play parties have been suspended, of course, so I haven't seen any of my play buddies. Haven't seen Sir B :-( Social isolation, from everybody except for T.
And K agreed to have weekly phone calls with me after they move -- we've never had an agreement like that before. K said I'm as important to him as he is to me, he's not going to disappear from my life, but he's never liked living in DC and now he's finally got an opening to live somewhere else. I've also been talking about wanting to live somewhere else. T also talks about wanting to live somewhere else. But K is the first person to have the chance to act.
Some tough emotions this afternoon, but I'm here with T and the pets, and I know I've got supportive friends and family, and this Quarantine won't last forever, and K will remain in my life, at a reduced frequency of physical contact. K said to me that our relationship survived the 15 months he lived in Madrid. It will survive this change, but it's still OK for me to feel sad about it and to write about this sadness in my journal.
Seems appropriate for me to role play as a transgender man after picking on the concept of gender in my journal. Struggling with being brought up as a girl, my character wanted to do boy things instead. Reminds me of when I was a boy, sometimes I wanted to do girl things instead. I played jump rope with the girls in 4th grade instead of kickball with the guys. My mother taught me needlepoint. In 6th or 7th grade some male friends and I performed a play for the entire school in which we portrayed women characters, wore dresses and wigs.
Then I started falling in love with other guys.
Anyway, the story is not about me. The story is pretty good so far, setting off some of my emotions as I'm here at the house, processing the actual fact of K moving to Portland. I told T about the news, and he was supportive, saying now I'd have a reason to visit Portland. And K will continue to own the condo here and to work for his employer who is headquartered here. Not like I'll never see K again, but it will be less often than every week or two. The time between will be measured in months, not weeks, but also not years. We will likely take trips together as we did before Quarantine.
It did cheer me when Robin said he was still interested in meeting up with me for toy time at the condo. I haven't arranged any such things (with anybody except K) since Quarantine began in March. The monthly play parties have been suspended, of course, so I haven't seen any of my play buddies. Haven't seen Sir B :-( Social isolation, from everybody except for T.
And K agreed to have weekly phone calls with me after they move -- we've never had an agreement like that before. K said I'm as important to him as he is to me, he's not going to disappear from my life, but he's never liked living in DC and now he's finally got an opening to live somewhere else. I've also been talking about wanting to live somewhere else. T also talks about wanting to live somewhere else. But K is the first person to have the chance to act.
Some tough emotions this afternoon, but I'm here with T and the pets, and I know I've got supportive friends and family, and this Quarantine won't last forever, and K will remain in my life, at a reduced frequency of physical contact. K said to me that our relationship survived the 15 months he lived in Madrid. It will survive this change, but it's still OK for me to feel sad about it and to write about this sadness in my journal.
