Dark Compassion
27 April 2021 08:29![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
m_d_hT: Sometimes when we talk about politics or history, you get too dark for me.
Bug: I'm sorry.
T: I know it comes from a compassionate place. But I'm not always that strong.
Bug: Yeah, I'm used to things like the Hardcore History podcast.
That was cool how he recognized that my dark side is actually my compassion. I'm not depressed when I write about history or politics! I'm seeing what the world is going through and bearing witness to how fucked up things are, groping for either solutions or acceptance. I'm the Prince of Dark Compassion, heh.
-----
I ran across something I wrote during January 2020, before the pandemic went global, back when I was struggling with the commute, the chores, the pets, the job, T always being at home, not getting enough Time to Self. I was overwhelmed after B allowed his husband to move back in, which abruptly cut T off from their2 physical relationship. I was so pissed off at B because his lack of boundaries with his husband made my own life more difficult.
The husband has moved out, thank Goddess, but B and his husband still get together for about one week per month, which is more manageable for T and me.
So the T responsibility is less. And now the Dax responsibility is almost gone (still need to deal with the final bill and insurance claim). There's still no commute, although working from home wasn't "better" at first. Building the home gym helped, but ... sharing my "work space" with T and the pets on most days is distracting.
Anyway, perhaps January 2020 and the first three months of the pandemic were my period of peak responsibility, and maybe I'm starting to come down the other side now.
But these responsibilities, they also come from a compassionate place.
Bug: I'm sorry.
T: I know it comes from a compassionate place. But I'm not always that strong.
Bug: Yeah, I'm used to things like the Hardcore History podcast.
That was cool how he recognized that my dark side is actually my compassion. I'm not depressed when I write about history or politics! I'm seeing what the world is going through and bearing witness to how fucked up things are, groping for either solutions or acceptance. I'm the Prince of Dark Compassion, heh.
-----
I ran across something I wrote during January 2020, before the pandemic went global, back when I was struggling with the commute, the chores, the pets, the job, T always being at home, not getting enough Time to Self. I was overwhelmed after B allowed his husband to move back in, which abruptly cut T off from their2 physical relationship. I was so pissed off at B because his lack of boundaries with his husband made my own life more difficult.
The husband has moved out, thank Goddess, but B and his husband still get together for about one week per month, which is more manageable for T and me.
So the T responsibility is less. And now the Dax responsibility is almost gone (still need to deal with the final bill and insurance claim). There's still no commute, although working from home wasn't "better" at first. Building the home gym helped, but ... sharing my "work space" with T and the pets on most days is distracting.
Anyway, perhaps January 2020 and the first three months of the pandemic were my period of peak responsibility, and maybe I'm starting to come down the other side now.
But these responsibilities, they also come from a compassionate place.