VirtualExile

I think I've written in the past about how when I spend too much time searching online dating/hookup profiles they end up pissing me off.  I think I'm more hardened about them now, but today on my lunch break while looking at Reddit fellas I saw a couple examples of what I've complained about before.

(1) How I'm pretty much stuck with younger guys because older guys only want younger guys:  I saw a hot 38-year-old, clicked to see his profile and posts, and he's only looking for guys aged 22-24 who are twinks (smooth & skinny body type) with circumcised cocks.  If you're a gay guy who peruses the dating/hookup profiles, this kind of profile is not news to you, you've seen this kind of thing zillions of times.

But 22-24?  So fucking specific.  There's no reason to exclude 21 or 25 year olds, is there?  To me, this guy is obviously shopping for a pre-existing fantasy and has zero interest in expanding his horizons.  If I were 22-24 years old, wouldn't I see this and think -- he's going to dump me on my 25th birthday, why bother getting to know him?

(2) How many online profiles are openly bigoted in other ways -- some guys specify they are looking for a white guy, or for a black guy, or they call people who might like them derogatory names like "no chubs".  Ugh.

(3) This isn't as common, but I saw a personal ad that scrolled on and on with very specific requirements and instructions for his potential applicants -- yet he didn't even bother to supply a picture of himself!  It sounded a lot like a job posting, must have five years experience with cocksucking LOL.

I'm more patient with this stuff now than I have been in the past.  But if a hot-looking guy messages me, I don't give a damn what age he is, what race he is, what his immigration status might be, his height or weight, whether top or bottom, his educational attainment, his experience level -- mainly I'm looking to see whether he's assertive enough to keep a conversation going (without me having to do all the work), shares some of my interests, is willing to show me what he looks like, and has some verbal intelligence & manners.

So, that's Reddit in late 2020, heh.

I had a lot of dreams involving touch overnight -- my favorite was a dream where I went to see a therapist and K was there with me snuggling with me from behind while I spoke with her about my feelings.  She told me that what I'm feeling is normal, especially during these times.  K just listened.

Also, I showed up to the therapy session without a mask -- she handed me one and I mumbled something about forgetting to bring one, except in my dream I hadn't forgotten, I was going without a mask on purpose, and I said I was suffering from pandemic fatigue.

When I woke, I realized the snuggling was real -- Astrid had been snuggling against my back :-)

I remember agreeing a few months ago that I'd see a therapist but then it sorta piled on top of the general To Do List that has always been too long during Quarantine.  And on Sunday when I got home, T piled more things on the To Do List.  Although I'm catching up with stuff at work, there's ever more to do at home.  And then I add personal goals to the list, like NaNoWriMo, which I feel I completed successfully although I haven't done the word count yet.  Or getting back into music.  Or exercising more.  Or working out an annual budget with T -- which we did, though it was emotionally costly for both of us.

My main complaint to my dream therapist was that I feel unmotivated.  Which is weird because I do have a lot going on.  And in the past I've had friends tell me that I'm one of the most motivated people they know.  But part of me feels like I could be / should be / doing more.

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My chats with Mark from Reddit yesterday went in a pleasant direction, continuing to get to know him better, establishing some mutual trust.  Whereas with Matt I'd responded to a personal ad, I don't know where Mark came from.  He messaged me directly, so I don't know how he found me.  Reminds me of Missa that way, although I "met" Missa on Grindr.  Missa had contacted me directly, I'd never seen his profile before, he was a "lurker".

I'm often more comfortable, and more successful, with younger guys when they contact or approach me first.  I know a lot of younger gay guys feel harassed by older gay guys and do their best to ignore them.  It's often an unwelcome shock to younger gay guys to learn when they come out that most gay men are older than they are, so most of the people contacting them will be older than they are.  Most of them want to date or hookup with someone their own age, like they would've done in high school, like society teaches them is appropriate.  But some younger guys seek out older guys on purpose, either because their first sexual relationships were with older guys, or because they crave the maturity that most of their peers lack.  And some of them are frankly looking for sugar daddies or "finsubs".

There's a younger guy MG from Twitter who I've given small gifts to, and he's friendly with me -- friendlier than Jeremy was when I agreed to be his finsub.  Jeremy was good at everything about the findom role except for providing a human connection, it was obvious it was just a job to him (though a job well done), and I never heard from him again after I told him I wanted to focus more on having in-person connections -- not even a thank you or good bye.

Heh, I still want to focus more on having in-person connections, but I can't have them right now.  The risk for my current harem of online boys is that After the Vaccine I'll lose interest in them if they don't actually want to visit.  I'd be willing to travel to Canada or Massachusetts or elsewhere to meet these fellas, or to have them stay with me at the condo for a long weekend visit to DC.  As I was willing to visit and host my dozens of gay LJ friends back when LJ was still a busy place, before Facebook sucked all of them away into our horrible social media future.

The online gay guys who I dumped back in 2005 were the ones who didn't want to meet in person.  I had no time for that in my life anymore.

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Anyway, I'm glad Astrid's nighttime snuggles provided the stimulus for my snuggle dreams, I really needed some snuggles, and I really needed to talk with a therapist while snuggling with K.