18 minutes and authority figures and superiority

I responded to an online discussion, somebody was remembering the authority figures of her youth, and how they had failed her in various ways.  My response was essentially -- there are no authorities, the failure results from our believing in them.

I was flatly slapped down, "That's clearly wrong, of course there are authorities."  The dictionary definition of 'authorities' was then thrown at me.  OK, I'm backing away from this discussion, it doesn't look like a meeting of the minds will occur here.

Perhaps it was my anarchist sympathies in play ... I had misinterpreted what might count as sympathy for this person.  I thought the common ground was that we believe in these authority figures during our youth, but they aren't really authorities, they're just people, they're just flawed, imperfect people, like everybody else.

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For me, a big shock of my adolescence was realizing that authority figures were flawed, imperfect, and full of shit.  I thought this was generally a part of everybody's adolescence -- rebelling against our parents, teachers, and religious leaders as we learn to think for ourselves.  Rebelling against the legal system for producing stupid laws, such as the laws against gay sex in my case.  I think this online person may never have done that?  Is only realizing at a much later age that her parents and religious leaders were full of shit?

Of course, the blind spot of adolescent rebellion is that you're full of shit also, and that while your elders are full of shit, at least they have some hard-earned wisdom from life experiences that you lack.

But, OK, let's assume at age 40 you're finally getting around to realizing that authority figures are flawed.  What I took away from this conversation is that each person has two choices in responding to this.  There's the choice I took -- learning that there are no authorities, we're all just flawed humans.  And there's the choice the online person seems to be taking -- getting pissed off that the authorities are not doing their jobs as they should.

Still believing in authority figures, but getting pissed off at them for not doing it right.  OK.  This is one reason why I keep a journal, so I can ponder issues like this one in more depth.  Like --> believing in the system, but thinking you just have to put the right people in charge, and then everything will be OK.

Like the way Democrats are running their campaign against Trump --> Trump is a jerk, he's not capable of doing the job of President, so let's replace him with somebody mature and capable.

Will Biden be able to fix our problems?  Nope.  Seriously, Nope.  He'll just be less of a jerk, I hope.  I predict that by the end of Biden's first term, annual global CO2 emissions will be higher than they were in 2020.  Trillion-dollar budget deficits will continue as far ahead as the actuaries can project.  And we'll have another recession!  Cops will still be shooting black people every few days.  Social media will still be toxic.  Democrats and Republicans will still hate each other.  Congress will still be mired in gridlock.  I'll bet you $100 that Biden is not re-elected in 2024.

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Yes, the anarchism runs strong in me this morning.

Humans have an abiding belief in their superiority over other humans -- everybody believes he or she is above average in some way.  I do too!  I think I'm well-above average ;-)  I have so many indicators showing me how above average I am.  Educational achievements, relative income, physical fitness, ability to juggle multiple romantic/sexual relationships simultaneously, career (I'm a supervisor!).  I'm so above average.

What's the point?  Under the current rules of the game, I'm ahead of most people when measured using particular criteria.  Am I supposed to feel good about this?  Is everybody else supposed to feel bad?  Who have I trampled on as I climbed higher on these totem poles?  If I'd let somebody else be valedictorian of my high school class, would they have accomplished more than I have with that prize?  Probably.  If I'd let somebody else become supervisor of my workgroup, would they be doing a better job than me?  Probably.  Maybe if I'd stuck with monogamy and had found the right guy, he and I would both be leading happier and more fulfilled lives.  Maybe if I didn't care so much about exercise, I'd be more relaxed and have more fun with friends.  I dunno.

It's tough to talk myself down from the perch I've built for myself.  Even as I embrace Green Communism, I let myself off the hook by giving myself a comfortably long time for my life to catch up with my ideals.  Just 3% next year!

One of the drivers of conspiracy theories is the need to feel superior to others.  Those who don't occupy a higher-than average cultural perch think we're full of shit, so they come up with their own explanations for the world that make them feel superior.

I even feel superior because I've supposedly embraced Green Communism.  Don't I feel superior in voting Green while those poor bastards in the swing states have to vote for the lesser-than Biden.  And I definitely feel superior to Trump voters, those morons, how can they fall for somebody like him?!?

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18 minutes of meditation is enough to shake me off my totem poles, eh?  I'm not superior.  I'm not an authority.  Even if you, dear reader, were to do exactly as I do, the two of us, the ten of us, we're not going to solve the world's problems either.

There's an ancient Buddhist story about the man with 52 problems.

He went to the Buddha and was complaining about his wife, how she picks on him all the time and nothing is good enough for her.  He complained about his son, who went off to war and lost his leg in battle, now his son sits around depressed, suffering from PTSD, unable to hold down a job.  He complained about how his business requires so much work and he can just barely pay the bills.  Oh, and his health issues, he's got this constant pain in his side that won't go away.  On and on, he complained to the Buddha, about his neighbors, his in-laws, the incompetent ruling class.  52 problems, he came up with.

Mr. Buddha, he asked, can you help me with any of my 52 problems?

No, the Buddha replied, I cannot help you with any of your 52 problems.

Really?  Then why the fuck should I listen to you?

Because I can help you with your 53rd problem.

My 53rd problem, what's that?  Don't I have enough problems?

Your 53rd problem is that you don't want to have any problems in your life.  I can help you with that one.

15 miles

I ran 15 miles this week, which certainly isn't an all-time record for me, but it is probably my highest weekly total of the summer?  At least since the brutal summer humidity hit in late June -- DC didn't see temperatures below 70 from June 27 through August 15.  And here at the house we've experienced three flooding events because the brutal humidity led to awesome localized rain.  Luckily we avoided the second and third basement floods by bailing water outside.  This is not normal!

This week wasn't exactly perfect running weather either, but I ran on four mornings for a total of 15 miles.  It also helped that I spent Friday night sober at the house instead of drinking alcohol at the condo.

Ideally I want to get up to running 15-20 miles every week.  I think after the humidity leaves that will be easy.

As for my weightlifting, I've continued progressing on the exercises that do not involve my right shoulder.  For the exercises involving my shoulder, I'm back up to 10-pound hand weights -- got a ways to go to get back to where I was, but I have to keep an eye on the shoulder.  It's more important to exercise at all, than to push up the weights too far too fast and injure myself again.  I'm lifting weights a couple times per week now that my shoulder is 90% better.

With the dance videos, I've got three sets of videos I'm cycling through, and I'm looking to add a fourth one.  I get to these once or twice per week.

My belly is still a bit bigger than I want it to be, but this is almost a permanent condition in my life, I rarely think I'm perfect, heh.  I think the main culprit for my belly is working from home.  T and I drink alcohol more often in the evenings, and it's too easy to have a snack when I'm hungry.  Instead of the salad bar for lunch each day at the office, I'm making sandwiches and warming up cans of soup.

So, overall, at this point in Quarantine, I'm probably exercising more often than I would be if I were commuting, but I'm also eating and drinking alcohol more often.  Meanwhile the brutal summer humidity very much limited my running mileage for 2-3 months.  If between now and the New Year I can increase mileage while decreasing snacks and alcohol, then there will be no need for any New Year's Resolutions.

That's the health check-in, as I turn 53.

don't be sad ...

I don't like leaving T alone when he's sad!  But I already made plans to see K, and I don't have many chances left to see K, and I can't cancel every plan every time T is sad.  I wouldn't want anybody to cancel their plans every time I'm sad.  And T's not sad about me anyway.  Sigh.  There's a lot of things I'm not able to be for T.  I can spend 6 days and 6 nights there, cooking meals, doing most of the chores, giving him my evenings ... but I can't be his everything.

At condo, K is on his way.