![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
never say pi
25 November 2020 02:43September 2. 2059
After a quiet night, Matt woke next to Sir Luke in the master bed for the first time. Luke appeared to "sleep" or to feign sleep or to make human-like sleepish sounds and movements, though he didn't snore (yay!).
Matt undid the restraints around his ankles so he could pee. He usually needed to sit to pee while wearing a chastity device, so he was sitting on the toilet, although sitting on the toilet put pressure on his bruised butt. In the morning peeing was often difficult because his cock was trying to have a big early morning hardon without the space required for full expansion, squeezing his urethra, squeezing everything about his cock inside the constrained device. Yep, gotta do some math equations for a while, sitting here on the toilet, waiting for the failed erection to die down. "Lisa, resume our chess game," -- thinking about chess often helped.
Matt suddenly deduced that arterial blood pressure must be the power source for male erections. The force of his heart pumping blood into his cock, like a bicycle pump inflating a rubber tube.
Ahhhh, there we go, urination. His bladder fighting to pump urine in opposition to his heart pumping blood, bladder vs heart. Bladder wins.
After shaking his apparatus and rinsing his hands, Matt headed back to the bed, wondering whether he should "tip toe" in order to avoid "waking" the android. He re-entered the bed right-side up instead of upside-down. Looking at Luke's resting "face".
I don't think I can keep doing this, Matt thought. It had been an exciting idea at first, to get a BDSM android, but Tate wanted him to form a relationship with it? Isn't this like an arranged marriage only without the benefit of an actual human person to marry? Can we adopt a dog instead? Matt sighed without thinking about how he was presenting himself to his observant bedmate.
"Boy, what's on your mind?" Luke asked softly, eyelids opening.
"Oh, good morning, Sir. Um ..." Sir had asked him a direct question ... "Well, Sir, I miss Tate and I'm not sure this situation is going to work for me." Sigh.
"What about this situation isn't 'working' for you?" Luke's tone sounded like a blend of concern and confidence. Time for more overclocked talk therapy with the android.
"I don't want Tate to spend half of his nights away from here. I'm not sure two BDSM sessions per day is sustainable for me. And I don't want to fall in love with an android," Matt replied succinctly, and yet comprehensively. Yep, three big problems. He sighed again.
"Hmmm. Two of those are 'I don't wants' and one is 'I'm not sure'. Let's take the first one. I understand you missing Tate. For a couple months he was spending every night here with you, and then he left suddenly for the job with Chris, after that he took another week away for himself, and now he's decided to start a long-distance commute. You'd settled into the feeling you'd have him around most of the time, but now he's not around most of the time. That sucks."
"Yeah, it sucks. I mean, I expected that I wouldn't be enough for him, that he was too young to settle down with me. But expecting something is different from feeling it happen." Matt went ahead and grabbed the closest of Luke's hands. Luke responded by rolling them into a snuggling spoon position from behind. Matt liked the snuggling despite his third problem. Ugh.
Though, the spooning from behind reminded him of his bruised butt and the other marks on his body. Matt continued, "I would never have scheduled two BDSM sessions per day if it were up to me."
Luke held him and responded softly, "But 'wouldn't be enough for him' -- what does that mean?"
Matt felt a little angry, shook a little bit within the embrace, "Why should a hot young guy with such a sweet personality stick around with me? There's an entire world of sex and romance out there. Tate should explore his options before he settles down. Maybe he's not the settling down type anyway. Ugh. Meeting me was just random. What do we have in common anyway?"
"It did happen fast, suddenly he's living with you, you're his first relationship. And you're not the monogamous-husband type anyway. But you do love Tate. What is it you want from your relationship with him?"
"I don't know! Nobody asks me that."
"I'm asking you that, boy. So answer me."
"Sir, I don't know what I want from him. I never knew. It was like I'd suddenly adopted a sex puppy. I had to take care of him."
"I see. Maybe you wanted him to become your 'sex puppy'? But that sounds objectifying. Or selfish. So instead you say 'I don't know'."
Matt shook some more, Luke slightly tightened around him. This therapy angle wasn't what Matt had expected from a BDSM android, although he'd selected the max conversation options.
"I don't know that I wanted a sex puppy, but I guess I felt that's what I was getting. How I looked at the situation on Day One."
"How you oriented the situation to best fit your needs, your subconscious framework. Privileged people tend to describe their situations in ways that both arrange the facts to suit them, and portray themselves as benign and altruistic. Why didn't you say 'No' when Tate asked to come home with you?"
Um ... Um ... Um ... "Because he's hot, and because he seemed trustworthy, and because it seemed Chris was exploiting him and denying him what he needed."
"You wouldn't bring home any orphan on the street who asked you. But here a 'sex puppy' wanted to come home with you, so you said yes. Did Tate view himself as a 'sex puppy'?"
"How would I know. It's not like much thinking went into this. Both of us were spontaneous and surprised ourselves with the outcome."
"Hmmm," Luke seemed to pause for thought, but maybe it was for emphasis, "I think you two should have a conversation about what you each want from this relationship, instead of making assumptions about each other and thinking of each other as pets."
"Yeah. I mean, Yes, Sir."
"About the two BDSM sessions per day, I already told you they would vary in intensity and would not always involve brutal punishments. And if you want to take a break, for whatever reason, then talk with Tate about it."
"Yeah." Of course, the standard advice for relationships is to talk with your partner about the stuff that bothers you. Matt knew this. But it is easier to advise other people to have these conversations than to have them yourself. And Tate's been busier and farther away -- how do you find the bandwidth to talk about the problem -- that Tate's now busier and farther away -- when he's now busier and farther away? Relationships have recursive communication blockages.
"And you think you're supposed to fall in love with me, 'an android', whether you want to or not?" Luke asked, making sure to address all three of the problems Matt raised.
"Well, I go from spending every night sleeping with Tate, to now spending half of my nights sleeping with you, the other half with Tate, and Tate did joke about wanting me to fall in love with you. Like you're my alternate lover when Tate's not here. He sounded so sure of himself and how this would work."
"And you're not sure how this will work." Luke surmised.
"Exactly!"
"Well, neither am I. Tate is an optimistic young man, inexperienced in relationships, just trying to survive until next week. In the same way he has made other sudden and drastic decisions recently, he decided to become your new Sir, and then decided to insert an android into the mix. And you're just going along with all of it. Your submissive side mistakes Tate's impulsiveness for genuine dominance."
"Oh ... wow ..."
Matt thinks. Mistaking impulsiveness for genuine dominance.
Luke halfway changes the subject, "Boy, I want you to think for a few minutes about what you would like to happen during this morning's dungeon session. What do you need? Think about it, organize it, then articulate it for me. You need practice at thinking about what submission means to you, and what you need submission to be. Think about it for 10 minutes."
"Yes, Sir. Lisa, set a timer for 10 minutes." And Matt thought. At first he thought 10 minutes wasn't nearly enough time to figure out what he needs this morning. But it didn't take that long. But he'd been ordered to think about it for 10 minutes. What he really needs is to get fisted. He needs that extraordinarily intense pleasure that wipes every worldly concern from his brain and leaves his body deeply relaxed. Getting fisted is the closest thing to a reversible mind wipe he's ever experienced. And these three problems they talked about this morning -- he needs them temporarily wiped.
So he'll have some say in how all this proceeds after all!
Is fisting the solution to his problems? Hah. But what is the solution to his problems. He doesn't want to lose Tate, but he doesn't even know why he has Tate, but he doesn't want to lose Tate. Of course Matt doesn't want to lose an important relationship. But we do lose important relationships, or those relationships change. And do we ever understand how we got into the relationships we did get into. And then it's too late, we're already in them and we don't want to lose them. Or we do want to lose them, but we don't know how. Or we swing from wanting to lose them to not wanting to lose them. Or we do lose them, and then we miss them.
Lisa announced, "Matt, your 10 minutes have elapsed."
Luke nudged him from behind.
"Sir, I'd like you to fist me this morning, please," Matt asked, as respectfully as he could.
Luke laughed -- these "emotional displays" still surprise Matt -- "Absolutely boy, for as long as you want. I'll open up your hole as far as it will safely go. My treat."
Matt smiled, "Thank you, Sir."
After a quiet night, Matt woke next to Sir Luke in the master bed for the first time. Luke appeared to "sleep" or to feign sleep or to make human-like sleepish sounds and movements, though he didn't snore (yay!).
Matt undid the restraints around his ankles so he could pee. He usually needed to sit to pee while wearing a chastity device, so he was sitting on the toilet, although sitting on the toilet put pressure on his bruised butt. In the morning peeing was often difficult because his cock was trying to have a big early morning hardon without the space required for full expansion, squeezing his urethra, squeezing everything about his cock inside the constrained device. Yep, gotta do some math equations for a while, sitting here on the toilet, waiting for the failed erection to die down. "Lisa, resume our chess game," -- thinking about chess often helped.
Matt suddenly deduced that arterial blood pressure must be the power source for male erections. The force of his heart pumping blood into his cock, like a bicycle pump inflating a rubber tube.
Ahhhh, there we go, urination. His bladder fighting to pump urine in opposition to his heart pumping blood, bladder vs heart. Bladder wins.
After shaking his apparatus and rinsing his hands, Matt headed back to the bed, wondering whether he should "tip toe" in order to avoid "waking" the android. He re-entered the bed right-side up instead of upside-down. Looking at Luke's resting "face".
I don't think I can keep doing this, Matt thought. It had been an exciting idea at first, to get a BDSM android, but Tate wanted him to form a relationship with it? Isn't this like an arranged marriage only without the benefit of an actual human person to marry? Can we adopt a dog instead? Matt sighed without thinking about how he was presenting himself to his observant bedmate.
"Boy, what's on your mind?" Luke asked softly, eyelids opening.
"Oh, good morning, Sir. Um ..." Sir had asked him a direct question ... "Well, Sir, I miss Tate and I'm not sure this situation is going to work for me." Sigh.
"What about this situation isn't 'working' for you?" Luke's tone sounded like a blend of concern and confidence. Time for more overclocked talk therapy with the android.
"I don't want Tate to spend half of his nights away from here. I'm not sure two BDSM sessions per day is sustainable for me. And I don't want to fall in love with an android," Matt replied succinctly, and yet comprehensively. Yep, three big problems. He sighed again.
"Hmmm. Two of those are 'I don't wants' and one is 'I'm not sure'. Let's take the first one. I understand you missing Tate. For a couple months he was spending every night here with you, and then he left suddenly for the job with Chris, after that he took another week away for himself, and now he's decided to start a long-distance commute. You'd settled into the feeling you'd have him around most of the time, but now he's not around most of the time. That sucks."
"Yeah, it sucks. I mean, I expected that I wouldn't be enough for him, that he was too young to settle down with me. But expecting something is different from feeling it happen." Matt went ahead and grabbed the closest of Luke's hands. Luke responded by rolling them into a snuggling spoon position from behind. Matt liked the snuggling despite his third problem. Ugh.
Though, the spooning from behind reminded him of his bruised butt and the other marks on his body. Matt continued, "I would never have scheduled two BDSM sessions per day if it were up to me."
Luke held him and responded softly, "But 'wouldn't be enough for him' -- what does that mean?"
Matt felt a little angry, shook a little bit within the embrace, "Why should a hot young guy with such a sweet personality stick around with me? There's an entire world of sex and romance out there. Tate should explore his options before he settles down. Maybe he's not the settling down type anyway. Ugh. Meeting me was just random. What do we have in common anyway?"
"It did happen fast, suddenly he's living with you, you're his first relationship. And you're not the monogamous-husband type anyway. But you do love Tate. What is it you want from your relationship with him?"
"I don't know! Nobody asks me that."
"I'm asking you that, boy. So answer me."
"Sir, I don't know what I want from him. I never knew. It was like I'd suddenly adopted a sex puppy. I had to take care of him."
"I see. Maybe you wanted him to become your 'sex puppy'? But that sounds objectifying. Or selfish. So instead you say 'I don't know'."
Matt shook some more, Luke slightly tightened around him. This therapy angle wasn't what Matt had expected from a BDSM android, although he'd selected the max conversation options.
"I don't know that I wanted a sex puppy, but I guess I felt that's what I was getting. How I looked at the situation on Day One."
"How you oriented the situation to best fit your needs, your subconscious framework. Privileged people tend to describe their situations in ways that both arrange the facts to suit them, and portray themselves as benign and altruistic. Why didn't you say 'No' when Tate asked to come home with you?"
Um ... Um ... Um ... "Because he's hot, and because he seemed trustworthy, and because it seemed Chris was exploiting him and denying him what he needed."
"You wouldn't bring home any orphan on the street who asked you. But here a 'sex puppy' wanted to come home with you, so you said yes. Did Tate view himself as a 'sex puppy'?"
"How would I know. It's not like much thinking went into this. Both of us were spontaneous and surprised ourselves with the outcome."
"Hmmm," Luke seemed to pause for thought, but maybe it was for emphasis, "I think you two should have a conversation about what you each want from this relationship, instead of making assumptions about each other and thinking of each other as pets."
"Yeah. I mean, Yes, Sir."
"About the two BDSM sessions per day, I already told you they would vary in intensity and would not always involve brutal punishments. And if you want to take a break, for whatever reason, then talk with Tate about it."
"Yeah." Of course, the standard advice for relationships is to talk with your partner about the stuff that bothers you. Matt knew this. But it is easier to advise other people to have these conversations than to have them yourself. And Tate's been busier and farther away -- how do you find the bandwidth to talk about the problem -- that Tate's now busier and farther away -- when he's now busier and farther away? Relationships have recursive communication blockages.
"And you think you're supposed to fall in love with me, 'an android', whether you want to or not?" Luke asked, making sure to address all three of the problems Matt raised.
"Well, I go from spending every night sleeping with Tate, to now spending half of my nights sleeping with you, the other half with Tate, and Tate did joke about wanting me to fall in love with you. Like you're my alternate lover when Tate's not here. He sounded so sure of himself and how this would work."
"And you're not sure how this will work." Luke surmised.
"Exactly!"
"Well, neither am I. Tate is an optimistic young man, inexperienced in relationships, just trying to survive until next week. In the same way he has made other sudden and drastic decisions recently, he decided to become your new Sir, and then decided to insert an android into the mix. And you're just going along with all of it. Your submissive side mistakes Tate's impulsiveness for genuine dominance."
"Oh ... wow ..."
Matt thinks. Mistaking impulsiveness for genuine dominance.
Luke halfway changes the subject, "Boy, I want you to think for a few minutes about what you would like to happen during this morning's dungeon session. What do you need? Think about it, organize it, then articulate it for me. You need practice at thinking about what submission means to you, and what you need submission to be. Think about it for 10 minutes."
"Yes, Sir. Lisa, set a timer for 10 minutes." And Matt thought. At first he thought 10 minutes wasn't nearly enough time to figure out what he needs this morning. But it didn't take that long. But he'd been ordered to think about it for 10 minutes. What he really needs is to get fisted. He needs that extraordinarily intense pleasure that wipes every worldly concern from his brain and leaves his body deeply relaxed. Getting fisted is the closest thing to a reversible mind wipe he's ever experienced. And these three problems they talked about this morning -- he needs them temporarily wiped.
So he'll have some say in how all this proceeds after all!
Is fisting the solution to his problems? Hah. But what is the solution to his problems. He doesn't want to lose Tate, but he doesn't even know why he has Tate, but he doesn't want to lose Tate. Of course Matt doesn't want to lose an important relationship. But we do lose important relationships, or those relationships change. And do we ever understand how we got into the relationships we did get into. And then it's too late, we're already in them and we don't want to lose them. Or we do want to lose them, but we don't know how. Or we swing from wanting to lose them to not wanting to lose them. Or we do lose them, and then we miss them.
Lisa announced, "Matt, your 10 minutes have elapsed."
Luke nudged him from behind.
"Sir, I'd like you to fist me this morning, please," Matt asked, as respectfully as he could.
Luke laughed -- these "emotional displays" still surprise Matt -- "Absolutely boy, for as long as you want. I'll open up your hole as far as it will safely go. My treat."
Matt smiled, "Thank you, Sir."