practice bleeds
26 September 2020 17:38![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
m_d_hAs I practice more zazen it bleeds into the rest of my waking life. That's probably the point.
I'm grumpy about how a work thing went down on Friday afternoon ... but the meditative part of me is saying, let's just breathe.
And I don't even know what to think about my last overnight with K before he moves away ... but the meditative part of me is saying, let's just breathe.
My first night to myself in a few weeks? Feels weird. So much of my energy into T, work, pets, and K. The rest into the various games I play, and my journaling. Sleep comes and goes.
Earlier this week I listened to one of my favorite podcast episodes, it's about "complicated grief" ... when the person you care about is either physically present but mentally distant (such as with dementia), or physically distant but mentally present ... as K is about to be.
Complicated grief.
But am I grumpy about work so I don't have to deal with the complicated grief, LOL.
As I said earlier, my 53rd problem is that I don't want to have either of these problems, having to work or K moving away. But if you sit still and breathe long enough ... problems reduce their brightness ... the body relaxes ...
But I still need to grieve. And I'm still grumpy about work, LOL. Problems reduce their brightness, but they never go away.
Spend more time meditating, to reduce their bightness more, but ...
Cry and rant also. Cry and rant also. Experience every human emotion. Sometimes, all of them within 24 hours. That's my longest running theme, if you've been reading all along. Every human emotion.
I'm grumpy about how a work thing went down on Friday afternoon ... but the meditative part of me is saying, let's just breathe.
And I don't even know what to think about my last overnight with K before he moves away ... but the meditative part of me is saying, let's just breathe.
My first night to myself in a few weeks? Feels weird. So much of my energy into T, work, pets, and K. The rest into the various games I play, and my journaling. Sleep comes and goes.
Earlier this week I listened to one of my favorite podcast episodes, it's about "complicated grief" ... when the person you care about is either physically present but mentally distant (such as with dementia), or physically distant but mentally present ... as K is about to be.
Complicated grief.
But am I grumpy about work so I don't have to deal with the complicated grief, LOL.
As I said earlier, my 53rd problem is that I don't want to have either of these problems, having to work or K moving away. But if you sit still and breathe long enough ... problems reduce their brightness ... the body relaxes ...
But I still need to grieve. And I'm still grumpy about work, LOL. Problems reduce their brightness, but they never go away.
Spend more time meditating, to reduce their bightness more, but ...
Cry and rant also. Cry and rant also. Experience every human emotion. Sometimes, all of them within 24 hours. That's my longest running theme, if you've been reading all along. Every human emotion.