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New Year's Eves
31 December 2020 07:41Tonight, T is planning on cooking, we've got a bottle of red wine for dinner and then a bottle of champagne to celebrate the end of the year while watching some TV.
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Last year (2019), I had the house to myself for NYE, as T had gone on a meditation retreat. I used the time to rewatch Getting Go. I also observed that although I identify as poly, I do enjoy having plenty of Time to Self, and can be satisfied with partners who I only see a couple times per month. I'd say I'm more a relationship anarchist than poly, but not everybody studies relationship models to the extent I do. An easier way to describe my recent relationship style is that I like to have a bunch of reliable, trustworthy fuckbuddies, and that I like to have some mutual feelings between me and my fuckbuddies, and I totally don't mind if my fuckbuddies have boyfriends or other fuckbuddies.
It's Fuckbuddy Nation here :-) But then Quarantine hit and K moved away so for now it's just my chastity cage and my butt toys.
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Two years ago (2018), I also spent the night by myself, but at the condo. That was back before B's husband moved back in, so he and T were spending the night together at the house, and I made myself scarce. I tried to lure a fuckbuddy to spend time at the condo with me, but everybody already had plans, of course. And that was OK.
That was after K had retired as my Sir, but before I'd picked up Sir Ben -- and then K returned as Sir Zero anyway -- but for a few months I had no Sir and I was excited about finding new adventures with new people. I was also solidifying my intent to someday move out of the house, and also starting to face my fears of going crazy again if I either lived alone or started meditating regularly again.
-----
I had no idea, no concept in my head, that B's husband could move back in with him and that he'd then stop seeing T, which made things much stickier for me regarding T, with me feeling like I can't move out of the house while T is grieving B, except T's grief was making him unbearable ... and then Quarantine hit ...
-----
Three years ago (2017), I didn't record in my journal how I spent NYE, but I expect I spent it here at the house with T. K was in the middle of getting back together with his now-boyfriend and I wasn't sure yet where I would fit, perhaps they would become monogamous. This uncertainty had me wondering what I might do next with my life, and I realized then how my job was my anchor and that I'd probably continue working at my current job until retirement, after which point I could design an entirely new life.
Now I've got 6 years and 9 months left with this anchor of a job. The promise of a pension keeps me working at it. There are aspects of my job I enjoy, but my Boss is definitely not one of them.
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Four years ago (2016), I spent NYE with both T and B here at the house, busy enough and happy enough that I didn't write much about it. Then I spent a night with K at the condo. K and W were still a thing back then, and they'd just acquired a dog together.
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Five years ago (2015), I spent NYE at the house, stayed up in the hot tub after T went to bed, and watched as our neighbor's kids had a party -- I saw some of the teen boys peeing in their yard, heh. I was marveling at how during 2015 I'd finally entered into permanent chastity instead of just playing around with it from time to time.
-----
Ten years ago (2010), K was living with me and T at the house, yay! -- seemingly indefinitely, but now I know it was not meant to last. We'd just acquired two kittens and a puppy together, and I was still running marathons. It had been a year of big upgrades to the house -- new HVAC, new windows. Did we have the hot tub yet or was that just around the corner? I think I was happiest with living in this house when I had both K and T here. As I've remarked several times since, that triad seemed to work a lot better for me than it did for the other guys.
-----
Fifteen years ago (2005), I'd been living with T in his tiny Rockville house for a year and I'd put on some honeymoon weight, heh. We spent NYE with our friend Roger at his house in Arlington. Perhaps that was before Roger's now-husband moved in? I don't remember exactly when Charles moved in with Roger. But after Charles moved in we didn't see as much of Roger. Roger would come over to see us less and less, because Charles couldn't come along, because Charles was "allergic to cats". And then the invitations for us to go to Roger's house happened less and less often. Now I haven't seen him in years, but he still sends Christmas cards.
Maybe that's why I never want a "husband" -- they seem to kill your social life. Not that I want much of a social life anyway, but. I want enough of a social life of my own.
I remember when I started dating T and then moved in with him, a lot of the friends I had before we met dropped away. T actively disliked a bunch of them, that was a huge factor. And then I moved out to the suburbs so was farther away and not going to the clubs or bars as often, and I wasn't hosting Game Days as often, and the Game Days I did host were more inhibited than before.
To some extent, when you move in with a partner you just can't be as social as you were before. And then there will be personality conflicts between your partner and some of your friends. And then what happens to a lot of people is that all of their social decisions have to be made together, as a partnership.
Living with T, and especially because we have pets, I do have to run my social decisions past him. But in many couples it goes deeper than that -- they have to make their social decisions together. Are "we" going to this party or that party or staying home? T and I stopped coordinating in that way years ago. Now it is mainly about three things -- (1) somebody has to take care of the pets, (2) sometimes T needs companionship more than I do, and (3) I need to be at the house for trash/recycling and maids days. I guess there's also (4) being at the house often enough to consume the meal kits together.
-----
Last of all for this LJ, 17 years ago (2003). I was single, it was a couple weeks before I met T. I had a cold, but my sister had invited me to spend NYE at their house outside Richmond. I'd been feeling lonely as a single fella and was recovering from the mental trauma of my Wild Week -- taking head meds, getting therapy. My sister insisted that I visit even though I was sick! Wow, so different from the present day, remember when people would insist we follow through on plans even though we were sick? But before I left for Richmond I played with my electricity toys and had a hands-free orgasm, heh.
I haven't played with my electricity toys in a long time.
-----
Last year (2019), I had the house to myself for NYE, as T had gone on a meditation retreat. I used the time to rewatch Getting Go. I also observed that although I identify as poly, I do enjoy having plenty of Time to Self, and can be satisfied with partners who I only see a couple times per month. I'd say I'm more a relationship anarchist than poly, but not everybody studies relationship models to the extent I do. An easier way to describe my recent relationship style is that I like to have a bunch of reliable, trustworthy fuckbuddies, and that I like to have some mutual feelings between me and my fuckbuddies, and I totally don't mind if my fuckbuddies have boyfriends or other fuckbuddies.
It's Fuckbuddy Nation here :-) But then Quarantine hit and K moved away so for now it's just my chastity cage and my butt toys.
-----
Two years ago (2018), I also spent the night by myself, but at the condo. That was back before B's husband moved back in, so he and T were spending the night together at the house, and I made myself scarce. I tried to lure a fuckbuddy to spend time at the condo with me, but everybody already had plans, of course. And that was OK.
That was after K had retired as my Sir, but before I'd picked up Sir Ben -- and then K returned as Sir Zero anyway -- but for a few months I had no Sir and I was excited about finding new adventures with new people. I was also solidifying my intent to someday move out of the house, and also starting to face my fears of going crazy again if I either lived alone or started meditating regularly again.
-----
I had no idea, no concept in my head, that B's husband could move back in with him and that he'd then stop seeing T, which made things much stickier for me regarding T, with me feeling like I can't move out of the house while T is grieving B, except T's grief was making him unbearable ... and then Quarantine hit ...
-----
Three years ago (2017), I didn't record in my journal how I spent NYE, but I expect I spent it here at the house with T. K was in the middle of getting back together with his now-boyfriend and I wasn't sure yet where I would fit, perhaps they would become monogamous. This uncertainty had me wondering what I might do next with my life, and I realized then how my job was my anchor and that I'd probably continue working at my current job until retirement, after which point I could design an entirely new life.
Now I've got 6 years and 9 months left with this anchor of a job. The promise of a pension keeps me working at it. There are aspects of my job I enjoy, but my Boss is definitely not one of them.
-----
Four years ago (2016), I spent NYE with both T and B here at the house, busy enough and happy enough that I didn't write much about it. Then I spent a night with K at the condo. K and W were still a thing back then, and they'd just acquired a dog together.
-----
Five years ago (2015), I spent NYE at the house, stayed up in the hot tub after T went to bed, and watched as our neighbor's kids had a party -- I saw some of the teen boys peeing in their yard, heh. I was marveling at how during 2015 I'd finally entered into permanent chastity instead of just playing around with it from time to time.
-----
Ten years ago (2010), K was living with me and T at the house, yay! -- seemingly indefinitely, but now I know it was not meant to last. We'd just acquired two kittens and a puppy together, and I was still running marathons. It had been a year of big upgrades to the house -- new HVAC, new windows. Did we have the hot tub yet or was that just around the corner? I think I was happiest with living in this house when I had both K and T here. As I've remarked several times since, that triad seemed to work a lot better for me than it did for the other guys.
-----
Fifteen years ago (2005), I'd been living with T in his tiny Rockville house for a year and I'd put on some honeymoon weight, heh. We spent NYE with our friend Roger at his house in Arlington. Perhaps that was before Roger's now-husband moved in? I don't remember exactly when Charles moved in with Roger. But after Charles moved in we didn't see as much of Roger. Roger would come over to see us less and less, because Charles couldn't come along, because Charles was "allergic to cats". And then the invitations for us to go to Roger's house happened less and less often. Now I haven't seen him in years, but he still sends Christmas cards.
Maybe that's why I never want a "husband" -- they seem to kill your social life. Not that I want much of a social life anyway, but. I want enough of a social life of my own.
I remember when I started dating T and then moved in with him, a lot of the friends I had before we met dropped away. T actively disliked a bunch of them, that was a huge factor. And then I moved out to the suburbs so was farther away and not going to the clubs or bars as often, and I wasn't hosting Game Days as often, and the Game Days I did host were more inhibited than before.
To some extent, when you move in with a partner you just can't be as social as you were before. And then there will be personality conflicts between your partner and some of your friends. And then what happens to a lot of people is that all of their social decisions have to be made together, as a partnership.
Living with T, and especially because we have pets, I do have to run my social decisions past him. But in many couples it goes deeper than that -- they have to make their social decisions together. Are "we" going to this party or that party or staying home? T and I stopped coordinating in that way years ago. Now it is mainly about three things -- (1) somebody has to take care of the pets, (2) sometimes T needs companionship more than I do, and (3) I need to be at the house for trash/recycling and maids days. I guess there's also (4) being at the house often enough to consume the meal kits together.
-----
Last of all for this LJ, 17 years ago (2003). I was single, it was a couple weeks before I met T. I had a cold, but my sister had invited me to spend NYE at their house outside Richmond. I'd been feeling lonely as a single fella and was recovering from the mental trauma of my Wild Week -- taking head meds, getting therapy. My sister insisted that I visit even though I was sick! Wow, so different from the present day, remember when people would insist we follow through on plans even though we were sick? But before I left for Richmond I played with my electricity toys and had a hands-free orgasm, heh.
I haven't played with my electricity toys in a long time.