Maids Monday again

This morning's Maids prep went about as well as it ever has, but traffic to the condo was heavy -- it seems more and more people are returning to in-person work formats as the Holiday Wave recedes and vaccinations ramp up.

Often I stretch and exercise when I get to the condo on a Maids Monday, before my work day gets started, and I have time for that this morning but I'm not feeling it.  I could stretch now and maybe exercise later in the day, between 1 & 3pm, on a late lunch break.

Maybe it's because two weeks ago, on the last Maids Monday, that's when I ate the meal that gave me the food poisoning, or maybe I just need a break from trying to exercise on EVERY work day.

I'll probably run/lift/hike/run the next four days anway ... we'll see ... I'll probably exercise this afternoon anyway, after I relax this morning.

Dax is on a hunger strike this morning, possibly due to the antibiotic pills we're giving him for his liver.  Sigh.  On Sunday morning while I wasn't there, T tried to sweeten the deal by pouring bacon grease over Dax's bowl of food and pills, and now Dax is holding out for similar sweeteners.  Sometimes with older pets trying to treat their chronic ailments starts to bring on more troubles.  I like to treat Dax from time to time, but I'm not going to bargain with him.  You don't want your breakfast, then you don't get breakfast.

I already know ahead of time that B is going to spend the night at the house this Friday.  I'm thinking I might want to socialize with B & T if they're willing, and then head to the condo on Saturday for only one night.  Two nights to myself week after week can feel like too much when the only human I'm seeing is T, I guess.  I should also do more reaching out to the important people in my life, although part of my mood on Saturday was pouting that "they should reach out to me more".  Yet, I choose my relationships for the level of independence they allow me, so I shouldn't play those kinds of mind games in which I fail to communicate my desire to communicate and then hold it against people for leaving me alone.  It's that ancient tug of insecurity, of wanting to feel arbitrarily important and in control.

Couples Privilege

Had to school a fella on Twitter who thought it should be OBVIOUS TO ALL that cuddling and other forms of foreplay/aftercare are OFF LIMITS if you're setting up a BDSM playdate. I said there's no reason that an encounter has to be either/or, and that I encourage anybody who wants both to hook up with me.

He then replied that he does enjoy both cuddling and BDSM in one session but that's what his HUSBAND is for.

Ah, so this is Couples Privilege, got it. He didn't know what I meant by that.  So:

Couples privilege -- when a non-monogamous couple decides together to have non-negotiable rules about their sexual/romantic encounters with other people, specifically with a hierarchical purpose to privilege the primacy of the couple's relationship. Such as -- no kissing others.

This guy thought everybody should obviously play by the same rules that he does -- snuggling is reserved for the HUSBAND.  But not everybody plays that way.  Lots of people appreciate foreplay and aftercare with BDSM.  Many of us think that aftercare should always be an option upon request, for the mental health of the participants.  BDSM can bring up some difficult emotions, even if you're doing it to have fun.  I remember at least one time when I burst into tears while Sir K was spanking me.  Other times when I became quite angry.

Part of ethical nonmonogamy, especially when BDSM is on the table, is having some thought about the emotional well being of the other sentient humans you're playing with.  To insist that nobody have any difficult emotions, that this MUST BE FUN ONLY, that nobody should require foreplay or aftercare, is kind of naive.