when I don't care who wins

When Republicans pick fights with elite gender-segregated for-profit sports leagues, I truly don't care who wins.

Does nobody give a damn that MLB (professional baseball) is a strictly male-only activity? It's like the Catholic Church, how can people in the 21st Century take a male-only religious hierarchy seriously -- people should be quitting the Church in droves for protestant sects that include women in their leadership ranks.

I'd impose a quota on professional team sports -- they must present the same gender proportions as the greater population (including transgender and nonbinary players). No more all-male professional sports teams. Let everybody "play ball!"

For unintended irony, see MLB's page on women pioneers in baseball -- not one of these highlighted women was a player on an MLB team!  As Wikipedia helpfully clarifies, "As of 2020, there have been zero female MLB players."

Although there's no excuse whatsoever for the Catholic Church, the excuse for MLB is presumably based on elite performance, that there's not one woman in the world who plays baseball as well as the men currently populating the teams.  As I've written before, it is this elite worship that leads to gender segregation in sports, yet nobody questions why we have to put winning above all other considerations of diversity and inclusion.  Why couldn't we develop competitive sports that are also inclusive?

The highest-paid baseball player has a 12-year contract paying over $400 million.  Gross revenues for MLB are normally over $10 billion/year.  It's a capitalist enterprise, looking for the highest revenue possible by purchasing top talent and repackaging it for national television.  And nobody gives a damn that women need never apply.

OK!

Took the afternoon off, left my work laptop at the house (guilt free?), drove to condo (last time driving?), warming up for toys ... and this is the final weekend I'll have to feel so fuckin' paranoid like I have to hide from everybody all the time, right?  Next weekend I'll have my 80% badge (two weeks after first shot), and I won't beat myself up every time I make a mistake about what my hand just touched, and I won't get so mad at the people who don't wear masks, or wear them incorrectly, right?

I dunno.  I'm not excited yet, instead I'm still in the paranoia/anger mode as I interact with other humans.

I haven't yet made the haircut appointment, but I haven't cut my hair yet either, it's long (for Bug).  I think I'll try to make the appointment for next Saturday, tomorrow.

I lifted weights this morning, yay.  I'm happy with my muscles, they've grown, but the prospect of spending time with play partners has me feeling fat, which is the oldest mood in my sexual portfolio, from the time I reached puberty I've almost always felt fat.  I have a niece who was hospitalized with anorexia during high school, and I told her mother (my sister) recently that I feel the anorexia, and I've played the same game with the scale to see how low I can go, even though I've never had trouble finding sexual partners, either in person or online, I still feel fat.  That's my dysphoria/dysmorphia -- if there were a hormone pill I could take that would keep my weight 10-20 pounds lower -- my preferred gender is "thin" LOL.  My pronouns are thin/slim.

But I'm refusing to starve myself while I'm building up my COVID immunity -- not starting a diet now, damn it, feed the T Cells or whatever.  But it's a mental struggle, thinking I'm fat.  I try to deal with it at age 53 by never getting on the scale and exercising on most days, except I have to get on the scale when I go for my annual physical, and I'll be doing an annual physical soon, and I'll have to face the post-pandemic scale.  Ugh.  I know I'm not alone in feeling I've gained weight during Quarantine.  It's a common problem.

Anyway, I get to write in my LJ about whatever I want:  Some of the best looking guys I've known in my entire life have believed they're not good looking enough.  It's a widespread problem.  And I suffer from it also, and it's on the rise as I'm about to spend time with sexual partners again, whether the day it happens is later this month, or next month, it's an anxiety.  Hopefully once I'm playing with people again I'll get over it.  I'm not perfect, and I don't require perfection from you, let's have fun :-)

one of those big flashing lights of insight

It just occurred to me that one reason I'm living beyond my parents' middle-aged demises (Bug has been an orphan for a long time now) is this very important thing:

I don't hide my medical issues/symptoms/whatever from my doctor, or from anybody else.  It occurs to me that my parents did.  All these years later.  This occurs to me now.

I thought about this as I was driving here earlier, strangely, remembering the time I took my mother to the ER for something, I dunno, seemingly random memory, but, ... what if that had not been the first episode ... I was there when it happened, so I took her to the ER.  For the first time in my life I'm thinking, that wasn't the first episode.  I caught her.

I deal with my medical issues, I overdeal with my medical issues.  My parents did not.  This is something I learned about them  and from them at an early age, but I don't think I understood it until now.  Which is weird.  It wasn't exactly what I thought at the time -- no, they were actively covering up their medical issues.

So I fly hard in the other direction, because I don't want to end up like them.

this

I wanna get fisted by a trans guy

coming out as "power-ups" and continuing

Chatted with my sister about that,

I think coming out as gay really was the first of the power-ups, and continuing to come out, as kinky, as an ass pirate, as a chastity boy, as nonbinary, as a green communist, -- oh, yeah, poly, relationship anarchist,

I live my life in front of people, I've worked really hard, this LJ is key to this project, because I don't see many people in real life,

I live my life in front of you.

Nonbinary flag in my office, queer flag on the house, way back when I was a kid and I marched in a women's rights parade at my Catholic elementary school, President of the Duke University Gay Lesbian Association, and showed up at my boyfriend's trial against the CIA,

I'm introverted, so not many people see it, but I've been working on living my life in front of you.  That's my project.  It's why censorship pisses me off so much, no matter the purpose, the side,

yeah, one of my paradoxes, the introvert living out loud

so, another power-up

I've been coming out to people about how I was bullied as a kid

"This won't hold me forever,"

I feel the same way, Willow,